I always loved the concept of women’s rights. We should have rights; the right to vote, the right to life, and the right to equal pay. I’m 100% on board with that.
In high school, I loved learning about Susan B Anthony; her role with the suffragettes,abolishing slavery and the inspirational life she led fighting for what she believed in. And Helen Keller who proved that women can overcome intense adversity. Both blind and deaf, she changed how people looked at disability. She also played a major role in women’s rights and advocating for the rights to vote.
But I feel that feminism has gone astray since then and now the things that are part of their main platform, I can no longer agree with or support.
A Culture That Promotes Sexual Freedom Then Confuses The Rules
I remember being in college and binge watching the whole Sex and The City series. At that point, almost everyone I knew had already seen the show. Many of my friends could still quote Carrie even though the series had ended a few years ago. Those women, Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha, just seems so empowered and free. The crux of the show was that it was about their sexual freedom, their ability to be successful as women and their independence from needing a partner to complete them. The characters’ lives seemed so fantastic. They were living in the big city with perfect jobs, an apartment that would have been impossible to afford in real life and a great wardrobe. And we wanted to emulate that lifestyle.
[Enter Millenial hook up culture] what made our generation different is that we didn’t try to hide that we were hooking up. There was no shame: it was just something we did. The more you hooked up, the more popular and desired you were. In the 2000’s, feminism believed that women shouldn’t be shamed for their sexuality. We were the choosers and we should reap the benefits of our sexuality just like men could. We could use our sexuality to get jobs, free dinner, free drinks and other free stuff.
By 2017/2018 that sexual freedom of hook up culture, that was supposed to bend to women, became an issue for feminists. Some men were taking advantage of the system. This started to call into question whether women were really consenting to the sex they were giving. Was a drunken night’s romp consensual if both are drunk but the woman regretted it the morning after? Was it consensual if she started consensually but suddenly she didn’t want to finish? Maybe she didn’t say she didn’t want to finish but instead pushed against her partner to get him off, unsuccessfully. The rules were starting to get very confusing.
Take Aziz Ansari’s sexual misconduct in 2018. A woman accused him of coercing her into giving him oral sex but the facts of the case indicated that it was consensual. She went on a date, went back to his apartment, allowed him to make sexual advances on her and never explicitly said no. And though this woman claims she was uncomfortable, she didn’t leave for another hour! The feedback for the article was polarized with some claiming what Ansari did was totally unacceptable, while others emphasized with his situation. Feminists everywhere rallied behind the article, saying, “#Metoo, I also had a cringeworthy and uncomfortable sexual encounter once, that’s not consent!”
For me, I can’t stand behind a movement that is constantly changing the rules. One day women are encouraged to be “sexually empowered.” But then we’re allowed to be children and victims when our “sexually empowering” experiences turn into cringeworthy ones.
How about we be treated as adults capable of making responsible decisions? It seems as though feminists are trying to point the finger at men and not holding women to be strong and capable when it comes to what we want sexually.
Women In The Workplace vs Traditional Women
Their platform concerning women’s role in the workplace is that women should be pursuing an education that allows them to work alongside men with equal rights and equal pay. Women are taking on more roles that were dominated by men in the workforce and they’re reaching higher positions. Go us! ?
The issue I take with this is that the working woman is promoted as more desirable than a traditional woman. Feminist concede that staying home, having children, and taking care of your husband is an option. Maybe it’s an option you want to take after you had a career but why would you choose that? Being married in your early 20s and having children is at odds with the feminist ideal woman. In your early 20s, you’re supposed to be interning, finding the perfect dream job, traveling, and dating around. Settling your life with a man is just not attractive because that means you’re siding with the patriarchy.
They are so against the traditional role of women that you often hear them say this joke when talking about needing money, “It’s about time I get a Sugar Daddy, it’s time I become a kept woman.” And that joke panders to the idea that being dependent on a man or being a traditional woman is an inferior way of life.
The Change on Their Position on Abortion
I was pro-choice when I still believed Hillary Clinton’s stance that abortion should always be safe, rare and legal. It was the belief that nobody wants abortion and if abortion was an absolute must,
then it should be safe. And I agree. Abortion was something sad, something women did in desperation when they had no other choice. Incest, rape, abusive relationships and dangerous pregnancies were acceptable reasons to have an abortion.
But feminists never really believed that. Today they see a woman’s reproductive nature as a liability, to be ashamed of and fixed with abortion.
And though it’s still very unclear whether life starts at conception or even at the first heartbeat, feminists want to declare abortion as part of their healthcare at the expense of the fetus, totally denying a woman’s nature in motherhood. And they want to declare that healthcare up until the moment that fetus takes its first breath as a child. Their distaste for children and motherhood is apparent as they spread the notion that a fetus is a “parasite.”
Moreover, they want to make abortion as common as getting a nose job or laser hair removal. It’s our female right to end our pregnancies for whatever reason. #shoutyourabortion. We should be proud of it too. I’ve followed some of those stories and they ranged from getting an abortion so a woman can enjoy her summer to wanting one because her FWB was not serious enough.
The irony is that motherhood and pregnancy is the one thing, the only thing that men cannot touch, cannot even match or replicate. And yet feminists believe that this is the thing that holds us back in life, that motherhood should be delayed and ended for our convenience.
I know at least eight people who have had abortions. I heard them tell their stories in hushed voices after a few drinks with a sense of sadness, loss and confusion. They didn’t know what their abortion meant for them. Their choice they made had been so hard and they wished they never had to make it. My experience with these women was at odds with what feminists were trying to push on us – a world where abortion was acceptable in all situations and something women could be proud of.
Men vs Women
Everything that I have mentioned above has complicated the relationship between men and women. Things have become increasingly confusing with men and women at odds with each other for jobs, their sexual relations and even the birth of their children. Men and women are the ying and yang to our society and should be able to work together. But that has significantly changed over the years. Men are distancing themselves from women at an increasing pace. You’re seeing new groups emerge including men’s rights groups and the more misogynistic MGTOW and RedPill groups. Men’s rights groups generally want to raise awareness about men’s issues such as paternity rights and disproportionate incarceration rates for men. MGTOW is the removal of men from the lives of women. Men Going Their Own Way-they won’t date women, commit to them or assist them beyond what society legally dictates. The Red Pill movement seeks to uncover the flaws in modern feminism and then use those flaws for their own sexual advantage. Surprisingly, both these movements have massive followings. RedPill on Reddit had over a million subscribers before it was shut down for being too mysogynistic and MGTOW currently has over 100K subscribers.
These movements are concerning because it shows how much distance there is between the two sexes. The lack of communication between them are apparent with nearly 1/2 of all marriages ending in divorce and the nuclear family destroyed.
For me, I can’t join feminism, not because I don’t want women to move forward, but because I can’t be part of a movement that advances one group at the expense of others, children and traditional men and women.
There’s already been a third and fourth wave of feminist movements, with each group trying to fix the unwanted outcomes of the last. For fifth wave feminism, I’d like to see the promotion of women and men working together building families and celebrating women’s natural gifts and talents.
I know this article has controversial topics and not all of these problems have easy solutions but the history of feminism still remains. Hopefully we can go back to the spirit of Susan B Anthony and Hellen Keller and find ways to reunite women with men so we can stand truly equal instead of opposed to the other sex.
Thanks for reading, feel free to check out my other posts related to feminism