Why I Hate Feminism As A Woman

blurred-background-fashion-floor-2041397.jpg

I always loved the concept of women’s rights. We should have rights; the right to vote, the right to life, and the right to equal pay. I’m 100% on board with that.

In high school, I loved learning about Susan B Anthony; her role with the suffragettes,abolishing slavery and the inspirational life she led fighting for what she believed in. And Helen Keller who proved that women can overcome intense adversity. Both blind and deaf, she changed how people looked at disability. She also played a major role in women’s rights and advocating for the rights to vote.

But I feel that feminism has gone astray since then and now the things that are part of their main platform, I can no longer agree with or support.

A Culture That Promotes Sexual Freedom Then Confuses The Rules

I remember being in college and binge watching the whole Sex and The City series. At that point, almost everyone I knew had already seen the show. Many of my friends could still quote Carrie even though the series had ended a few years ago. Those women, Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha, just seems so empowered and free. The crux of the show was that it was about their sexual freedom, their ability to be successful as women and their independence from needing a partner to complete them. The characters’ lives seemed so fantastic. They were living in the big city with perfect jobs, an apartment that would have been impossible to afford in real life and a great wardrobe. And we wanted to emulate that lifestyle.

[Enter Millenial hook up culture] what made our generation different is that we didn’t try to hide that we were hooking up. There was no shame: it was just something we did. The more you hooked up, the more popular and desired you were. In the 2000’s, feminism believed that women shouldn’t be shamed for their sexuality. We were the choosers and we should reap the benefits of our sexuality just like men could. We could use our sexuality to get jobs, free dinner, free drinks and other free stuff.

By 2017/2018 that sexual freedom of hook up culture, that was supposed to bend to women, became an issue for feminists. Some men were taking advantage of the system. This started to call into question whether women were really consenting to the sex they were giving. Was a drunken night’s romp consensual if both are drunk but the woman regretted it the morning after? Was it consensual if she started consensually but suddenly she didn’t want to finish? Maybe she didn’t say she didn’t want to finish but instead pushed against her partner to get him off, unsuccessfully. The rules were starting to get very confusing.

Take Aziz Ansari’s sexual misconduct in 2018. A woman accused him of coercing her into giving him oral sex but the facts of the case indicated that it was consensual. She went on a date, went back to his apartment, allowed him to make sexual advances on her and never explicitly said no. And though this woman claims she was uncomfortable, she didn’t leave for another hour! The feedback for the article was polarized with some claiming what Ansari did was totally unacceptable, while others emphasized with his situation. Feminists everywhere rallied behind the article, saying, “#Metoo, I also had a cringeworthy and uncomfortable sexual encounter once, that’s not consent!”

For me, I can’t stand behind a movement that is constantly changing the rules. One day women are encouraged to be “sexually empowered.” But then we’re allowed to be children and victims when our “sexually empowering” experiences turn into cringeworthy ones.

How about we be treated as adults capable of making responsible decisions? It seems as though feminists are trying to point the finger at men and not holding women to be strong and capable when it comes to what we want sexually.

Women In The Workplace vs Traditional Women

Their platform concerning women’s role in the workplace is that women should be pursuing an education that allows them to work alongside men with equal rights and equal pay. Women are taking on more roles that were dominated by men in the workforce and they’re reaching higher positions. Go us! ?

The issue I take with this is that the working woman is promoted as more desirable than a traditional woman. Feminist concede that staying home, having children, and taking care of your husband is an option. Maybe it’s an option you want to take after you had a career but why would you choose that? Being married in your early 20s and having children is at odds with the feminist ideal woman. In your early 20s, you’re supposed to be interning, finding the perfect dream job, traveling, and dating around. Settling your life with a man is just not attractive because that means you’re siding with the patriarchy.

They are so against the traditional role of women that you often hear them say this joke when talking about needing money, “It’s about time I get a Sugar Daddy, it’s time I become a kept woman.” And that joke panders to the idea that being dependent on a man or being a traditional woman is an inferior way of life.

The Change on Their Position on Abortion

I was pro-choice when I still believed Hillary Clinton’s stance that abortion should always be safe, rare and legal. It was the belief that nobody wants abortion and if abortion was an absolute must,

then it should be safe. And I agree. Abortion was something sad, something women did in desperation when they had no other choice. Incest, rape, abusive relationships and dangerous pregnancies were acceptable reasons to have an abortion.

But feminists never really believed that. Today they see a woman’s reproductive nature as a liability, to be ashamed of and fixed with abortion.

And though it’s still very unclear whether life starts at conception or even at the first heartbeat, feminists want to declare abortion as part of their healthcare at the expense of the fetus, totally denying a woman’s nature in motherhood. And they want to declare that healthcare up until the moment that fetus takes its first breath as a child. Their distaste for children and motherhood is apparent as they spread the notion that a fetus is a “parasite.”

Moreover, they want to make abortion as common as getting a nose job or laser hair removal. It’s our female right to end our pregnancies for whatever reason. #shoutyourabortion. We should be proud of it too. I’ve followed some of those stories and they ranged from getting an abortion so a woman can enjoy her summer to wanting one because her FWB was not serious enough.

The irony is that motherhood and pregnancy is the one thing, the only thing that men cannot touch, cannot even match or replicate. And yet feminists believe that this is the thing that holds us back in life, that motherhood should be delayed and ended for our convenience.

I know at least eight people who have had abortions. I heard them tell their stories in hushed voices after a few drinks with a sense of sadness, loss and confusion. They didn’t know what their abortion meant for them. Their choice they made had been so hard and they wished they never had to make it. My experience with these women was at odds with what feminists were trying to push on us – a world where abortion was acceptable in all situations and something women could be proud of.

Men vs Women

Everything that I have mentioned above has complicated the relationship between men and women. Things have become increasingly confusing with men and women at odds with each other for jobs, their sexual relations and even the birth of their children. Men and women are the ying and yang to our society and should be able to work together. But that has significantly changed over the years. Men are distancing themselves from women at an increasing pace. You’re seeing new groups emerge including men’s rights groups and the more misogynistic MGTOW and RedPill groups. Men’s rights groups generally want to raise awareness about men’s issues such as paternity rights and disproportionate incarceration rates for men. MGTOW is the removal of men from the lives of women. Men Going Their Own Way-they won’t date women, commit to them or assist them beyond what society legally dictates. The Red Pill movement seeks to uncover the flaws in modern feminism and then use those flaws for their own sexual advantage. Surprisingly, both these movements have massive followings. RedPill on Reddit had over a million subscribers before it was shut down for being too mysogynistic and MGTOW currently has over 100K subscribers.

These movements are concerning because it shows how much distance there is between the two sexes. The lack of communication between them are apparent with nearly 1/2 of all marriages ending in divorce and the nuclear family destroyed.

—————————

For me, I can’t join feminism, not because I don’t want women to move forward, but because I can’t be part of a movement that advances one group at the expense of others, children and traditional men and women.

There’s already been a third and fourth wave of feminist movements, with each group trying to fix the unwanted outcomes of the last. For fifth wave feminism, I’d like to see the promotion of women and men working together building families and celebrating women’s natural gifts and talents.

I know this article has controversial topics and not all of these problems have easy solutions but the history of feminism still remains. Hopefully we can go back to the spirit of Susan B Anthony and Hellen Keller and find ways to reunite women with men so we can stand truly equal instead of opposed to the other sex.

Thanks for reading, feel free to check out my other posts related to feminism

How Did That B*tch Get Rich?

Women at Work: I’m Sorry, We Haven’t Come That Far.

Women at Work: I’m Sorry, We Haven’t Come That Far.

When I started working and building my career in real estate, hell, even when I was in college, there was always this talk about women pushing their careers and fighting for equality in the workplace. There were women’s groups and women’s networking events to help us get our foot in the door.

I envisioned myself being seen as a capable, smart and reliable professional.  I would be able to prove myself and be respected in the field of my choice.

Now, nearly 10 years later, it’s time to talk about the reality.

Statistics about women at work

  • More women are graduating college than ever. Now more women than men.
  • 47% of the US workforce are women.
  • Women are not well represented at the executive level of business.

On one hand, I think women dominate in roles that fit the qualities of a “stereotypical woman,” such as caretaker, support staff, beauty and talent positions. This is why women are seen in roles such as: secretary, teachers, beauty bloggers, nurses, paralegal, and fashion assistants in an overwhelmingly disproportionate amount to men.

But does that result in equality? When we are given a majority of supporting roles? We’re still not the decision makers or shot callers in a majority of these industries.

But, what about jobs that are equally men/women or dominantly men?

From my own experience, we’re not faring so well.  I work in real estate and it’s a mans world out here.

Yet, when I was told at my job that a man would take the position of manager, a position I was never even considered for, I was relieved.  Let it not be a woman, I thought.

My previous manager was a woman and if you haven’t had a chance to read all the horrible things she did to me and put me through, you can do so through my post, I Survived A Toxic Manager.

I felt that way because, throughout my whole career in Real Estate, I’ve rarely had another women help me.  I’ve also never felt like I was in a position to help other women, though I still tried.  I don’t know why but there was always this underlying level of competition with other women.  A type of, “If I’m not on top, then she’ll be” mentality.

And that’s kind of how we differ from men. Men are capable of building camaraderie upon meeting each other.  They help eachother out.  They see other men in the workplace and see opportunity rather than competition.

My she-devil manager used to make all types of requests to Upper Management. “Let’s get an extra pair of keys,” “Let’s get an intern for summer season,” “Let’s get a shred-box so client information will be better protected.”  Nope. Never happened under her.  But as soon as my male manager made the same requests to our male directors, it was like “why didn’t we think of this sooner, done.”  It was like night and day, how the two managers worked.

She would come up with detailed, fact based reports for her suggestions, Upper Management would usually critique the work or diminish it with other reports they had access to.  My male manager slaps together a report with half the effort, no one says a word.

In some ways I understood why my previous manager was so horrible. She had to develop a really callous attitude in order to get as far as she did.

But how much farther would women get if we supported each-other? When she left I asked her to recommend me for one of the opening positions. She replied, “I’ve just never seen you in that type of role.”  Not even a NO, just some type of passive comment to absolve her of why she couldn’t recommend me.

C’mon, as women we can do better.

Don’t believe me? The same story played out in public between two female Rappers. Rap and hip hop in general is a male dominated genre.

The brawl that recently happened between Nicki Minaj and Cardi B occurred over perceived slights from Nicki trying to keep Cardi out of opportunities. I know, I know, the whole story is absolutely ridiculous.  But think about it…if women at the top of a male dominated industry are pushing each other down in public, what are women doing to each other in private, behind closed doors?

We really need to do better.

Men are generally automatically assumed to be capable. Women need to prove it.

When we hired our Intern, A, our receptionist, B, had just gotten her real estate license. All she needed was to be sponsored by a brokerage and she could start showing apartments.

I mentioned the possibility of our company sponsoring B to my Asst. Director, she brought it up to her male superiors, who passed.  There just wasn’t a position available. (A position would eventually open up later, but it was quickly filled by another male “admin” who could show apartments).

In the meantime, our new male manager F was allowing our male intern A to tour his clients unlicensed.

I wish I could do more for B, it’s essentially just as much of a dead-end job for her as it is for me, but we need our receptionist. F could really care less if she grows professionally, he needs her in her current role.

It’s messed up because I’m not in a place to make a difference in her career, though I’d like to, and the person who is doesn’t care.

I watched the match where Serena Williams was yelling at the umpire. It’s crazy that the match ended over that and she lost for confronting what she thought was an unfair call. Men in tennis have admitted they have done worst in matches with no reprimand. Shit like that gets me. Like if Serena Williams, an all time great of tennis, can’t get equal treatment on the courts, how can any of us ordinary folk even stand a chance? Apparently bad behavior from male tennis players isn’t as serious as female tennis players.

There’s no doubt that women are still falling behind in treatment in the workplace. But I wish we could change:

1. The fact that women are against each other in environments where we need to stick together and lift each other up.

2. That women aren’t being treated as capable or assumed as capable as men.

3. Women are being penalized for infractions at work or in sports that men aren’t penalized for. (Ex, Joe can take 3 cigarettes breaks while Mary gets scolded if she’s more than 10 minutes late.)

We’d like to think that women have gone farther than this or even that $.90 for every $1.00 is worth more than it is. But it’s not. I encourage everyone reading to think about their own assumptions at the workplace. Enough people making preferences about their gender or opposite gender can create an environment of sexism at work. It’s never just one person.  So I my recommendation is start with change of mind and change of thought to keep sexist assumptions and behavior out of the workplace.

Feel free to like share and comment below if you like this post.

Office Politics: Win At The Workplace

Work Smarter, Not Harder

Stand Up For Yourself, Even When You Have Everything To Lose