Single Vs Relationship: Which Is Better?

Single vs Relationship: Good Relationship Advice
Single vs Relationship: Good Relationship Advice

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The grass is always greener on the other side. At least that’s how we always feel about it. When you’re single, you wish you were partnered up; when you’re partnered up you’re itching to be single. Why is that? Is it better to be single vs in a relationship?

A lot of people find themselves in this crossroad in life and wondering which option is better. For me, I was unknowingly a serial monogamist, always in a relationship or seeking one. But I’ve met other people who love their freedom when they’re single and are happier by their lonesome.

I’ve also been the person who felt like the grass was greener on the other side. If I was in a relationship, then I was keeping an eye out for a good reason to leave and be single. If I was single, I was looking to meet the perfect boyfriend. Honestly, this was actually very unhealthy thinking and behavior so THANK GOD I grew out of it.

So here are some good relationship advice on whether a relationship is right for you vs if the single life is your path. Of course there’s no easy answers but, for those on the fence, this list might help you make sense of it all:

Pros of Being Single

Complete Freedom

Being able to do anything you want is pretty nice. Wake up late, meet up with friends on a moments notice, spend your money as you wish. It’s actually pretty awesome. The level of independence single people have is like 100%, they don’t have to compromise a single thing.

My older sister has been single for a while and is honestly enjoying her life. She takes sailing lessons, travels to at least 3 different countries a year, drives an Audi and lives according to her terms. As far as I know, singledom doesn’t make her sad and she’s able to take things as they go.

No Drama

Not getting into arguments with your significant other is also a big plus. Relationships, no matter how good they are, can still be a source of drama. Long term relationships usually go through natural highs and lows. Going through a low point can result in arguments, fights and resentment. I’ve found that working through these problems resulted in a stronger relationship but hell! Those fights were so stressful. When you’re single, you don’t have to deal with any of it. Every day has the same emotional capacity and you don’t have to go through highs and lows to grow as a person and as a couple. Which, honestly, sometimes seems easier.

Freedom to date whoever you want!

Dating at times can be fun. The excitement of meeting someone new is freeing and totally unexpected. Will you meet the love of your life with this date or will you just have some company to chat with over wine? Either way, getting to know new potential partners can be fun. At least in the beginning. After a while, I heard it gets stale but there is always the freedom to take breaks from the dating scene. When you’re in a relationship, continuing dating is a huge no-no. Your kind of stuck dating the same person. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Not being in a bad relationship

Let’s be truthful here, not all relationships are good or healthy to be in. We’ve all heard of those horror stories of a friend living with a hateful or narcissistic partner and how impossible it was to manage or deal with them. In that situation, of course it’s so much better to be single. At times it can feel like dating and relationships are a crapshoot. Some people save themselves the hassle of bad, selfish partners by opting out and staying single and that is completely fine.

Pros of being In a relationship

There are some major pros to being in a relationship and some good relationship advice too!

Companionship

It’s easy to feel lonely when you come home to an empty apartment. Not having someone to share the details of your day can get tiresome. Of course you can fill your days with friends and hobbies but when you finally get home, you can only fill up so much time. Having that special someone to come home to can be such a relaxing feeling. It’s also good for your overall health and happiness.

The financial and emotional support of a partner

We live in a world where we’re told that the individual is what matters. And that we can get farther on our own. But I don’t believe that. Being able to share expenses with someone else is a huge benefit to having a partner. Having someone to vent to and cry on when you’re having a hard day is amazing. So for single people, they can rely on themselves but two incomes are usually better than one and having someone who truly understands you is so valuable.

Especially for women, it’s just a known fact that they earn less than men (even for the same level position)(not saying it’s right, just that this is how it is). Women who are able to find men who make a reasonable income (and marry them) are at an advantage financially, especially since sharing expenses leads to less cost per person.

A good relationship means you always have someone to do things with. A forever friend, in a way. Someone who will attend weddings with you as your plus 1, someone who will be able to go on vacation with you, someone to cheer you up when you’re down, and someone who’s always available for date night (even Netflix and Chill). Having that person in your life who can consistently do these things with you is pretty awesome, and in this way single people miss out.

Planning a family

It is way easier to plan for a family if you already have a steady partner. I would say 100% of people who want children, if they had a choice, would want to raise their children with two parents instead of a single parent household. When you’re in a positive relationship, it brings you closer to that goal of having the right situation to bring children into the world. For single people, their singledom kind of delays their ability to have children. First you need to start dating, find someone compatible that also wants children, date them for a while, then make the plan financially, emotionally, and logistically to have children. For a lot of my friends, the single life has cramped their hopes of having a child in the near future. But a lot of them are just smelling the roses and enjoying being the fun aunt or uncle.
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Overall, I can’t really say whether being single vs a relationship is better than the other. I have met a few people who just do better as a single person than they ever could in a relationship, and that’s OK. For the me, I always desired to be in a relationship and find my special someone even when I was in high school with no life experience to tell me how to be in a positive partnership. So that’s what’s worked for me. Either way you cut it, you have to know what you want and what you need for yourself.

I Hope You Liked “Single Vs Relationship: Which Is Better” Check Out My Other Posts On Relationships PlUS Good Relationship Advice!

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The Biggest Red Flags In A Relationship

What is Love?

7 Signs That He’s A Fuckboy

Why Integrity Matters

As I get older, The idea of living a life of integrity is starting to fade. I miss being “green” and wanting to do the right thing all the time.

But I know that that’s not how the world works. Why is that? Because of greed, selfishness and ego. This is what drives our world.

Integrity, according to Webster Dictionary, means a firm adherence to an exceptional code of moral or artistic values.

As a child I was always concerned about doing the right thing, making sure everyone got their fair share. But even then, I noticed the lack of fairness and integrity in my fellow students, teachers and other adults. I saw the most talented athletes get chosen first for sports teams at gym and given the most floor time. Students that wanted to participate were left to the sidelines. And I’m not even talking about organized school sports. Teachers spent the most time with students who were already very smart, had tutoring and helicopter parents to support their performance. So children who had less were expected to produce more to keep up.

I always thought adulthood would be a lot easier when dealing with moral problems. I thought people are honest. Naively, I wondered why would adults lie? I had thought that my fellow students were opportunistic liars and cheaters because they were immature. But the reality is that these children would grow up to be adults who continued to lack important characteristics like honesty, integrity and virtue. The saying “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” has a ring of truth.

The childhood version of me imagined that I would grow into an adult that was confident, sure, honest and willing to fight for what’s right but now I’m not sure I’ll ever be those things. Some days I can feel myself shrinking, barraged by the screams of people playing politics and those fighting for themselves.

From the time I was 20-25 years old, I was very optimistic. Truly believing that the world would sort itself out and that what’s right will prevail, but that’s not necessarily the truth. It feels like the older I get, the more “woke” I am about how things work.

I’ve been burned a few times. I’ve written a few posts on that.

The Horror of Dealing With Mold In My Apartment

Dealing with Toxic Work Culture

From friends to work to even my landlord now. They’ve all burned me. When it comes to benefits, money and status, a sense of doing what’s right goes out the window.

I came to realize that there are people who will only interact with you when it benefits them financially, politically or socially. It was a hard pill to swallow, to realize that there were a lot of people who were disingenuous.

But I grew up.

And sometimes when I’m looking at a situation, I now think how can I profit from this, how can I benefit? I hate to admit it but I’m becoming one of those people who are selfish, egoistic and greedy. It’s almost like I can’t help it. Intrusive thoughts enter my mind like, if you don’t take advantage, someone else will or you have to take your share of the pie.

I’m ashamed because deep down I know these thoughts are wrong. I’ve grown to distrust other people to the point that I’m becoming untrustworthy and I hate that.

Am I growing up and becoming less naive? Or am I becoming jaded and callous?

If the young and optimistic version of me met 30 year old me today what would she say? She’d say I’m becoming everything she hates about this world and that I’ve given up. But fighting to keep my integrity and resolve to be an upright, unselfish human being sometimes feels like swimming against an impossible current.

I can count on my one hand the amount of people outside of my family who I respect for their character. Everyone else would easily resort to dishonesty if they knew they could benefit from it.

Maybe that’s why I have no friends… I just can’t accept a friendship that’s false.

So what to do?

I still think that being a good person is important. I want to hold on to that childish hope that as a human being we can care for the good of others without gaining anything for ourselves. Without even a few good people in our society, we’d be living in a literal hell where society is built on bullshit, lies, deception and selfishness.

The truth is I’ve met people with integrity and I hope others can look at me and see that I aim to be a person of good character as well.

So hopefully the child I knew isn’t as disappointed as I feel in myself sometimes. As I aim to be a person who’s better at standing up for what’s good and right for its own sake, I need to learn to not have such high expectations of other people.

Integrity and character matters because at the end of the day that’s all we have.

Check out my other posts

On Gratitude…

The Power of Positivity

The Power Of Change

Help! My Husband Doesn’t Help Around The House

I like to visit relationship forums to give advice and share thoughts on marriage. I don’t know why, I think I like to make sure my marriage is on the right track and see what areas we can improve. It also helps to see how others manage their struggles and succeed. So far we’ve been able to avoid financial issues and dead bedrooms.  However a husband who who won’t clean remains an a problem for most women.

This is the one reoccurring issue we have that I do see on the forums: the problem of having one spouse who cleans thoroughly and is obsessively clean versus the other who maybe isn’t as active on that front.

To name Jenny and Steve as an example. Jenny is great, she’s able to clean the whole house and maintain everything. She’s very organized but she so frustrated with her husband Steve. Steve is less detailed and often leaves cups out on the counter, always needs a reminder to put dishes in the dishwasher, forgets to take out the trash and leaves the laundry right outside the hamper. She’s tired of telling Steve what to do and wishes he could just take initiative himself.

The responses to that kind of question would usually sound something like:

“Your not his mother, he needs to clean after himself”

“Seek counseling, there a lack of communication”

“It’s not right he treats you like a slave, you’re both adults and he needs to act like one.”

In Steve’s defense, I am Steve.

I’m the more cluttered one in my marriage.  I would be labeled as the lazy spouse. My husband is constantly getting annoyed at my lack of organization, the fact that I’m not naturally disposed to being neat, and my worst offense, leaving my clothes inside out in the hamper. One of our biggest fights was over the state of my laundry. It was so bad, I needed to take the night away from home to cool down.

I like to think I’m not some sort of woman-child and that being an adult doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re hundred percent tidy all the time. I don’t believe that housework, chores, and cleaning should be the basis for marital fights let alone divorce and separation. And yet somehow it is.

You see I’m just not that type of personality that obsesses over every single piece of dust in the house, takes pleasure in emptying out the garbage or making sure the house is like a spread from Housekeepers Magazine. I don’t get excited going through the cleaning aisle deciding what to get that will be tough on grease. I’m not good at playing hostess and cleaning up after everyone at the party, and I’m definitely not great at cleaning every nook and cranny in my apartment.

My issue with cleaning goes way before I was married anyway. My mother was perfect at keeping a home. Everything had its place in the house and if you made a mess you would hear it and maybe even feel it from the slipper she used on us. I never understood why my parents stressed when they had to clean the house. As a child, all I wanted to do with was play or be outside. I was often stuck inside every Saturday while my parents broke their backs maintaining their home. It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. When they were cleaning they were like Mr Hyde, manic and crazy over anything that got in their way. They also used cleaning as a form of punishment. “Oh yeah you didn’t do your homework? I guess your cleaning both bathrooms this weekend!”

So yeah I have a weird relationship with cleaning, nothing triggers me more than someone nagging about me needing to clean. I’m an adult now, I should be able to live as clean or filthy as I want.

The truth is that even if I did make an effort, it would be met with derision. Either that I’m not cleaning fast enough, in the right order or using the cleaning supplies correctly. Apparently the kitchen is the last area you tackle. So I purposely let him go through cleaning weekend on his own now, he’s too particular to please.

But I think my husband has gotten used to my cleaning challenged self. We’ve taken a divide and conquer type of approach to it because we both recognize we have different strengths in our relationship. I’m very particular about our finances. I’m budgeting every week, deciding how to allocate funds, telling him where where to stop his overspending (his vaping), and planning for savings. I also make sure we take care of our health, make all the doctor appointments and cook 50% of the time.

So thankfully, I’m not a complete waste of space in this relationship.

For those of you struggling in terms of who shares the housework load I’d say give the slacker a little credit and room. We aren’t adult children taking advantage, but people with a different set of priorities, talents and strengths.

Household tasks shouldn’t be the reasons why relationships end, but surprisingly they are. Chances are you don’t have a selfish husband who won’t clean, more like a partner who just doesn’t have that kind of strength.

Couples counseling is another way to find a middle ground on such a tumultuous topic.

And if all else fails, just save yourselves the headache and get a cleaning service. No shame in that game.

So to Jenny and Steve, I hope you’re able to work through this difference, worst case, just hire a cleaning person, and keep both your relationship and your sanity.

Check out my other posts on relationships and marriage!

The Biggest Red Flags In A Relationship

Marriage, Finances And Money: The Benefits And Pitfalls

Tags: lazy spouse, husband doesn’t help with anything, should a husband help with housework, sharing chores, household chores, benefits of cleaning service, how to get spouse to clean.

How To Stay Motivated And Keep Your Goals

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Lately I’ve been going through a slump. Like I haven’t been falling behind and I haven’t been getting ahead. I used to be so motivated in college, I even graduated a year early. I graduated college in three years with top grades. It seemed like everything was going to pan out and for the most part everything did. But after college I’ve kind of been worn out.

Life gets to you after a while; with jobs and relationships that fall apart. And even though it’s not where you imagined you’d be, you finally settle someplace comfortable.

Sometimes I miss being in college and feeling like the whole world was in front of me. It made me self  motivated and kept me going. Now that my life has settled with kids, a husband and a semi career, I find it harder to keep that positive energy I once had. Yet you hear stories of people pushing themselves to the limits. You see people going to school and graduating valedictorian while raising three kids; climbing Kilimanjaro and  Everest in the same year; running an ultra marathon.  I look at those people and realize I need motivation.  How can I get the motivation to take my life to the next level? How do I maximize my potential so that I’m getting all I can out of life?

Here are my fail proof tips on finding motivation and how to make goals/dreams a reality!

1) Make A Schedule

This seems so obvious but making a schedule and sticking to it is harder than it sounds. Your schedule needs to align what you’re trying to accomplish. If you’re a salesperson, you might schedule more time trying to prospect leads vs doing paperwork vs organizing your office.

Your schedule should optimize your time so that the most rewarding tasks get prioritized and the least productive ones aren’t but are still tended to.

I absolutely hate prospecting leads but it’s what will give me the biggest return for my effort, so I make sure that I do that every day, no matter what’s on my plate.

2)Break Up Goals

Nothing is more demoralizing than having what seems like an impossible goal. But unless you are trying to defy the laws of physics, like turning a flower into a rock, no goal is truly impossible. Difficult, yes. Impossible, no.

One way to manage larger than life goals is break them up into smaller goals. Reaching 400 blog posts has been one of my larger goals and sometimes it feels impossible, I’ve only written 73 posts, but my goal has been broken up into smaller “just finish one post at a time” goals. When I’ve focused on how far I am from reaching my 400th post, it’s so discouraging. When I think “I just need to do one more entry or 2 entries a week” it seems more manageable.

3)Be Consistent

This means showing up and putting in the work. Don’t put in part time hours and expect full time pay. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that. If only it did.

Stick with things even when it gets hard. I took a 6 month hiatus from this blog, mainly because it was getting daunting and I wanted to pursue something else. And it’s OK to take a step back once in a while to gain perspective but for those wanting to take their lives to the next level, you’ll need to show up each and every day and get things done.

4)Work With The End Goal In Mind

Know why you’re doing it! It’s so easy to get side-tracked and start comparing yourself to other people. Or start worrying about the wrong things. So often people want to do things for themselves but halfway through they start worrying about what other people think.

For me, my job is about earning money for my family, getting benefits, and having stability. I’ve written a few posts on how hard and negative the environment is. I need to keep my motivation at work.  At the end of the day, I need to look past the petty coworkers, the rude bosses, and the unreasonable clients. The end goals is to pay off the loans and gain a bit of savings before I can move on. A lot of people lose sight of their end goal and let the small stuff run them out of their jobs before they can reap the benefits.

5.  Push Through Setbacks

No matter what you do, there will always be setbacks. Two steps forward, one step back.

It’s how you handle the setback that matters. You could be saving for months then have your car breakdown. Then have spent $1500 to repair it and have that feel devastating because it took you so long to save. On one hand, you spent months worth of savings in one shot, on the other hand, you had $1500 cash handy and didn’t have to go into debt to take care of that expense. A person lacking motivation might say, “what’s the use of saving if I can never get ahead?” A person with motivation will just pick themselves up and start the savings again.

When faced with a major obstacle, just remember that it’s expected. In some cases, setbacks can help you grow and find ways to be more efficient or help you learn a lesson to avoid repeating the same stumbling block.

6. Block out the negativity

The most well-meaning people like to give advice and sometimes that advice is unwelcomed negativity. How many times did I had friends or family tell me you can’t do this or that, mainly in regards to my self employment. Or that I need more stability at the expense of my own goals. If you hear that enough you start to believe it.

When dealing with naysayers you’ll have to either avoid them or straight up tell them where they can go. Nothing should be getting in your way when it comes to keeping your motivation. They say birds of a feather flock together, so if your friends and family are telling you that you can’t do something, you’re going to believe that.

I would also recommend keeping positive and motivational posters at your work or on your desktop/phone to keep you in the right mindset.

7. Build a Support Network

And that brings me to my last point, once you’ve removed all the negativity surrounding your goals you’ll need to find a group of people who support you.

If it’s not your friends and family then you’ll have to find people who are trying to accomplish the same thing as you and can help either coach you or give you the moral support you need. I’m a big fan of Facebook groups, Reddit, Twitter and general social media to help find other people who share your same interests.

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These may sound like easy things to do but mastering all 7 and being consistent day after day, month after month, and year after year is harder than you think. The key is to take it one day at a time and implement these tips in unison.  This is essential to set up goals for yourself

If you’re able to master this, you can watch your life change and your business flourish because putting in the time and work is all you need.

 

CHECK OUT MY OTHER MOTIVATIONAL POSTS AND SUBSCRIBE!

 

Organize Your Mind: How To Be More Productive With Your Day

The Power Of Change

The Power Of Positivity

Motivational Book Club: The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

Motivational Book Club: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

It’s been a while since I’ve written a motivational book review post. But this is a meaty book with lots of knowledge and information. I initially thought it would be another “how to be successful” type book but surprisingly it wasn’t. It’s more like how to be successful in all aspects of your life.

Stephen Covey is a motivational business man, life coach, relationship coach and a lot of other things. His book focuses not on his own successes but on carefully curated stories about others that tie into 7 Habits.

I will admit, it’s a very meaty book that requires your full attention. It’s highly conceptual so bear with me.

He has 7 habits that will help you take your life from mediocre and without vision or direction, to a life that has purpose, intention and success.

Habit 1: Be Proactive

This is mainly about how to build your character and also make choices in your life. It’s pretty solid advice considering most people are living their lives in autopilot. He basically says build your character so you know what you stand for and what your strengths are, then get ahead of yourself and make choices in your life that matter.

Here he tells us to question our Paradigms: our assumptions about how the world works.

Habit 2: Begin With The End In Mind

This was a bit confusing for me. All the stories and examples he gives can really make you lose focus on the message but I think I got the gist.

Covey suggests to create a personal mission statement and think hard and long about who we are and what we stand for. Through this we’ll be able to act through our principles, that we chose for ourselves, and make sound decisions. Most people make decisions based on motivations from friends, family, financial, selfish, professions and other influences. Having a set of principles that you carved for yourself and built will allow you to be consistent and make better decisions long-term.

There is also an exercise called “visualization and affirmation” that helps you to really dig into yourself, visualize the behavior in yourself you want to change, then create an affirmation you can use to remind yourself to follow the vision.

Habit 3: Put First things First

Covey makes it clear you must master Habit 1 & 2 before you can get to 3.

It’s mainly about time management. Truly efficient people know how to time manage. He recommends focusing your time on things that are important but not urgent towards your growth/business. This is the area that’s most ignored by pressing but not urgent matters. And this is the area that’s going to result in the biggest impact.

Also learning how to say no is a must. Because we all have the same hours in a day and limited time, saying no to one thing means saying yes to something else.

Covey recommends planning to do lists on a weekly basis. It forces you to prioritize and focus on your long-term vision.

He also touches on the power of delegation. True delegation, giving fundamental instructions but not micromanaging.

Part 4: Public Victory

Covey Starts off talking about dealing with people. Essentially you want to act towards others with integrity and honesty. Because with every moment that you prove your character, it’s more likely to pay off when you really need it.

He reminds you that building relationships take time. Never go for the quick fix, that doesn’t work.

The things that will help you build your relationship:

1. Understanding people

2. Small acts of kindness

3. Keeping Commitments

4. Clarifying Expectations

5. Showing Personal Integrity

Covey discusses the importance of interdependence, the idea that you can be independent but also that you need other people and they need you. A type of Win/win scenario

Habit 5: Seek to Understand, Then Seek to be Understood.

Empathy is an absolute must. You need to put yourself in the shoes of others. Often we want to be understood first, rather than take the effort to understand others.

Empathy is actually a personal strength of mine, so I found this chapter to be very obvious but I definitely would recommend this section for people who struggle with connecting or understanding people so to be persuasive.

“If you really seek to understand, without hypocrisy and without guile, there will be times when you will be literally stunned with the pure knowledge and understanding that will flow to you from another human being.”

Then Covey discusses “how” to be understood. You have to explain your point of view though other people’s perceptions. And you can only do that once you understand other people.

What??

It’s actually quite brilliant and efficient. So the empathy portion is vital to being persuasive and getting your point across..

Another way to build open communication is to really invest time in the people in your circle of influence, like your family, friends and coworkers. If you’re nice to them, they’ll be nice to you.

Habit 6: Synergize

This is a shorter chapter but he goes over making using habits 1-5 all together and watching the success that follows.

Covey follows the idea that using all the habits together is more powerful than the sum of each part. Is damn incredible! He says.

Using habits 1-5 require you to be courageous, authentic, and true. Which can be uncomfortable but growth never came from comfort.

Synergize isn’t about just compromising.  Compromising means that both people get part of what they want but not all.  Synergize is about coming up with solutions that please everyone, so that no one feels like they are getting the short end of the stick.

Habit 7: Sharpen The Saw

Covey starts this chapter about a man sawing down the tree.  The conversation reveals that, he had been going at the tree for 5 hours.  It’s suggested he should take a break and sharpen the saw, a sharper saw will make him more efficient.  The man replies that he doesn’t have enough time!

This chapter is about taking a break sometimes.  We all like to be efficient and productive but not giving ourselves rest is a recipe for disaster.

But specifically we need to rest so we can achieve a balanced life in the areas of spiritual, mental, social, and physical activities.

This is quite a hefty book, though I’m glad I read it.  It kind of confirmed a lot of things I thought about life and made it easy to understand why character and integrity, though not obviously important, are essential for any successful person.

This book is a must read for those who are still figuring their way out of life.  It kind of puts things into perspective and allows you to dig deep inside of yourself to find the answers that will change YOUR life.

If you’ve read this book, feel free to tell me more about what you think!

Check out my other motivational book posts here:

Motivational Book Club: The Defining Decade: Why Your 20s Matter, by Meg Jay

Motivational Book Club: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck By Mark Manson

Motivational Book Club: The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

I’ve included a few places for links above to purchase the book if you’re interested.