My Favorite Dating Book: Why Men Love Bitches

Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov is my number one dating book recommendation for women who feel like their not getting what they want out of their dating experience.

I will give this recommendation with a caveat. Essentially it is a book that talks about how to get a very specific type of man and keep him interested. The book doesn’t talk to much about the type of men that like bitches. But after reading, I got the vibe that this book is talking about men who are objectively attractive, somewhat respectful, intelligent, and has his shit together. Pretty much the man every woman wants when she says she wants a decent man.

When I picked up this book at 23 years old I was going through a lot of guy problems.   I was asking, “Where are all the good men?”   I just didn’t understand why guys would show interest in me and then not follow through.  Like, I was pretty, interesting and educated. What was I doing wrong? The thing was, I was also too agreeable, too available and too naggy. I wasn’t setting boundaries or setting standards. I didn’t know how.  I often wondered why some women got everything without even an effort.  And why men found certain, more assertive and confident, women attractive.   Meanwhile, I was bending over backwards to impress guys and keep them wanting more.  I wanted to learn how to attract a good man and also keep him.  I wanted to find a man who was husband material.

What I especially like about this dating book was the stories. There are some really relatable stories. There was Crystal who, after her date told her that he wanted to stay friends, stood him up when he tried to get him to booty call her. She said, sure, just wait for me outside with an umbrella so I won’t get wet when I get there. 3 hours later after thinking she was 5 mins away, he gets a brick to the face of cold, hard reality. She was never gonna come over and be that booty call.

There was also Jen who, though very pretty and confident, thought she should exercise her sexuality freely and early.  Jen gave the juju bean too early, usually within 1-2 dates and was shocked when a guy she really liked asked her, “how often she had sex on a first date.”  Sherry makes it clear, you’ve got to be perceptive about the different ways you can be perceived.  Even if it’s a one off type of one night stand, be prepared for the assumptions that could be made.

I like how Sherry just tells it how it is.  She’s not exactly politically correct, she takes a more traditional stand on when a woman should have sex.  Sex is available to women fairly easily, so using it to get a guy to spend time with you isn’t anything special.  Rather, how a a guy treats you after he’s been satisfied will tell a lot about what he thinks.

Why Men Love Bitches also did it’s homework.   She did an extensive amount of interviews with men and women to get what they thought on a lot of topics.  She discovered a lot of secrets about men through their testimonials

One of the men she interviewed admitted that men are addicted to the thrill of the chase.  Sherry uses a lot of comparisons but I think the best one is that the chase is comparable to watching a close football game.  If the score is 47-3 it’s not really exciting but if we’re talking 24-24, suddenly it’s the best game he’s ever seen.

I think her section on sex answered a lot of questions I had.  “How long is too soon to have sex?  What if he decides he doesn’t want to wait?  Am I being a tease?”  Hearing someone answer these questions for me, really helped me be confident in my choices.

Every man has an ego and Sherry teaches you how to gracefully handle the male ego while staying feminine.  She explains that men and women have masculine and feminine energy and that they kind of work as a sort of ying and yang that complete each other.  The issue most women have is that they try to use masculine energy to keep up with their men and impress them.   He likes football?   Make sure he knows that you know every single stat going on in the season.  Hoot louder than he does at the games.  Curse obscenities dirtier than him when the team loses.  Sure…that’s the way to his heart.  Not!  With feminine energy, you can get men to work with you, not against you, for a common goal.

Why Men Love Bitches also talks about walking away and having that power. She has what she calls “From Doorman To Dreamgirl Rules.”  You always need to have a sense of independence.  Don’t talk about the relationship.  Don’t talk about fixing the relationship. Don’t talk about how to make the relationship better. She basically says that your actions will speak for the direction you want the relationship to go.  Words are empty and not worth the effort.  Your actions and what you’ll put up with will say more than words ever could.

Some of my favorite Sherry Argov quotes are:

“Being a bitch isn’t about exuding a certain kind of arrogance.  Contrary to what the media would have us believe, it doesn’t matter how hip, cool or cocky you appear to be.  Power is the control you have over yourself.”

“When a man treats a woman with disrespect and she takes it, he begins tools respect for her.”

“And if you feel like you’re going to resent something after you give it, don’t give it. Give only what feels comfortable to give.”

There are so many great quotes and great ideas here   I could talk more about it, but I don’t want to spoil it for you.  Let’s just say that this is a book I recommend to all my girlfriends, it will help a lot with your dating life.  I’ve read it a few times and have gathered so many gems.

I do wish there was an updated book on how to deal with this whole online dating/ hookup culture that is now prevalent in our society.  The book was written in 2009 but things are so much different now with Tinder, OKCupid, Instagram and all the other ways that have made dating a pain.

Overall, this is the best dating book for those who want to understand the behavioral differences between women and men.  Also a great read for those who are marriage minded and want to find their life partners.

Hope you liked this post. Please like, share, and follow!

Check out my other posts:

Dear Single Friends, This Is Why You Are Still Single. Love, Your Married Friend.

and

Dating in Your 30s vs Dating In Your 20s

Be Charismatic & Master Small Talk

Be Charismatic & Master Small Talk
Be Charismatic & Master Small Talk

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“I wish I could talk to anyone about anything, I wish I could be charismatic and master small talk. I’m awkward and just can’t find a rhythm with people, I can’t seem to break the ice.”

This was me like 5 years ago. I couldn’t master small talk, talking to people was so hard. I’ve mentioned it a few times that I used to suffer from social anxiety and was awkward and shy. I was a person that really hated small talk. What I really wanted to do was get to the heart of the matter and talk about your dreams, disappointments and hopes. But that’s a little too deep for some people, as a matter of fact it’s too deep for most people, to the point where that kind of talk can be seen as rude and nosy. And it really didn’t help me learn to be charismatic. So being in the business of real estate I learned how to small talk and kind of enjoy it as a way to get to know people on a basic level.

Some of my favorite ice breakers have been:

1.Weather

Ah yes, weather is the most safest thing to talk about. It’s literally the most cliche small talking point but you can never offend anyone with weather. The weather is constantly changing so it’s definitely something to talk about. If it’s too cold and it’s suddenly a nice day, you can comment what a pleasant surprise the weather has been. If it’s unusually windy, you can joke about being blown away. You can expand and talk about how you love this weather or hate this weather and what you like to do during this time of year. Weather is by far the safest, easiest thing to talk about.

2. Holidays

In the US there are several major holidays including Christmas, New Years, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and Thanksgiving. There are also more obscure holidays like Presidents Day, MLK day, Halloween, Mother’s and Fathers Day. Pretty much every month there’s some sort of holiday. You can always ask, “Any plans for ____ holiday?” This is an easy icebreaker for people that want to keep the conversation going at an even pace. “Are you going away, we’re planning to go to _____” “That sounds nice, I had a friend who went there last year and really enjoyed it as a vacation spot!” This will easily make you a master of small talk.

3. Compliments

I used to have the assumption that you should only compliment someone if you really mean it. Like really, really liked what someone was wearing or found something interesting. But that’s not really the case. In order to be charismatic, compliments can be a way of forming bonds and sharing an interest. The keys is to find something that you think is interesting about a person, a piece of jewelry, an article of clothing, a physical quality (like eyes, makeup or hair), or a non physical quality that you think stands out. I found that there is always something you can compliment someone on and it helps you to be charismatic. Some of my go to compliments that I found to be most genuine are: “Oh wow, I love that piece of jewelry. Where did you get it?” I’m always looking for a piece of fashion that stands out like a nice purse or shoes and I’ll usually compliment or ask where they got it. As a woman, I think it’s more socially acceptable for me to make these kind of compliments so I’ll do it to break the ice and strike conversation. For men, I try to accept whatever compliments they offer because it’s nice and a genuine effort to make conversation which can be hard for some of them. The type of compliments men should stick with, especially when complimenting the opposite gender, should be a non physical quality or an article of clothing. “That’s a unique pair of shoes, they look comfortable” or “I heard from so and so that you’re really interested in ______, that sounds interesting, how did you get into that?” Giving physical compliments from a man to a woman or even man to man can seem off color or even inappropriate.

4. General Non Political News

You can get creative with this and just talk about the happenings in your town, something you saw on Facebook that you thought was relevant or friendly gossip about what’s going on with family and friends. “Oh I heard so and so got married, I’m so happy for her! It’s been so long since we’ve got to chat!” Or “I heard that there was going to be so and so happening at that restaurant I love, it’s always such a great event!” Or “This reminds me of an article I saw on FB…”

I just want to make a side note since I get a lot of foreign readers from other parts of the world. They might be reading this right now and be like WTF? What’s the point of making pointless conversation? Why do Americans do this?

Well, to be honest, it’s more of a cultural thing. We generally like to bask in positive emotion rather then negative. When speaking with someone you have a very casual relation with we try to keep the conversation light and easy to avoid negative emotion. Imagine an acquaintance asks you, “How’s everything going John?” And you start telling them about your leaky roof and how you can’t find the finances to cover these costs. Well John, you just took the conversation deep left and made the other person uncomfortable because they’re going to realize you’re going through hardship and there is little they can do to help you through it. Negative emotion is easy to catch from other people and it doesn’t feel good.

Some of the most successful people I’ve met have masters of small talk and are able to converse in a way that puts others at ease, feels safe and positive, while at the same time expresses interest in the other person.

I spent so many years not really understanding the rules and use of small talk that I was keeping others from getting close to me in a way they felt comfortable and I was making other people uncomfortable by digging in too much too soon.

I hope this article was a useful introduction on how to be charismatic and how to master your small talk skills. Feel free to like, share and follow, I follow back!

Check out my other posts!
How To Be Charismatic & How To Be More Likable

Master Your Body Language & Gain Confidence In Yourself

How To Care Less & Not Care About What People Think