The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck By Mark Manson- Review

Mark Manson Book Recommendation
Mark Manson Book Recommendation

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Book Recommendation: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck By Mark Manson.

I forget where I heard of this book before. Maybe it was last year, but I read a book recommendation about thinking outside the box. I’m always perusing through the self help section on Amazon so I decided to pick this one up. This is a book for those who are feeling stuck or unmotivated. This became a best book to read in 2016/2017 when it became a NY Times Best Seller.

Some background on the author, Mark Manson is a guy who made a living during the recession blogging, mainly about relationships, life and everything in between. He amassed a huge following and wrote a book that became a best seller. My life goal in a nutshell.

I read it front to back over the course of 3-4 days and it’s definitely a great book to read for anyone that needs a different perspective on things.

Mark describes himself as unreflective, unaware and an asshole but, through his blog and life experience, has become successful from just not caring. I initially thought this would be an introduction on how to be a person who gets what they want from doing what they want without regards to others but, thankfully, it’s much deeper than that.

He takes you on a journey, through his own and other well researched stories, about how we tend to create values and box ourselves in with those values. “Not Giving A F*ck” is basically about questioning those values and the importance they should have in your life. He implores us to ask how we obtained those ideals and whether they are values we should hold ourselves accountable for. There are “shitty values” that most people have and “healthy values” that help us in life to be better people.

I loved how he encouraged us to find meaning in our lives and think introspectively  and become conscious of our self awareness.

This is not a book on how to be more successful or how to get more out of life. It’s about thinking about the life you already have and questioning your values and meaning. I thought it was great for people like me that tend to overthink things. There was a section that discussed the benefits of just being content with what’s in front of you. So many people are constantly reaching, not able to enjoy what’s right here and right now. The most insightful part was about “Not Being Special,” and that is was OK to not be special. Constantly needing outside affirmation that you’re special is a recipe for discontent and unhappiness. Manson seems to find the solution to letting go and how to be happy.

My favorite quotes were:

“Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures, and the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed at something”

This was part of the Failure/Success Paradox chapter that basically reaffirmed that you can never be successful unless you fail a significant amount at something. With each failure you learn, and that brings you to success.

“Life is about not knowing and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this. It never changes.”

This was part of the Do Something Principle. Sometimes we’re just so afraid of failing, we do nothing. Well, doing something is better than nothing.  Or we start something, get discouraged, and do nothing before we reach success.  I can definitely relate to that.

This book recommendation is perfect for people who either think too much, are not introspective  or lack control in their lives.

If you’ve read this book by Mark Manson and like this motivational book review, feel free to add to the discussion in the comments.

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6 Ways To Maintain A Work Life Balance & Avoid Work Stress


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Work Stress Is One Of The Main Causes Of Stress. Find Out How To Maintain A Work Life Balance

Not many people can honestly say they have a good work life balance. I feel like I’m always chasing  paper or time. Time back from my commute, time for my family, time back from my overtime. There were moments I’ve worked less and made less money. There have also been times I’ve worked more and made more money. But I’ve never worked less and made more money. And yet I keep finding myself chasing that elusive unicorn job, the one that’s work stress free.  The one where we have enough time during the day to get things done, where we get an hour lunch break, where there some light politics but no animosity.   But while we’re chasing for the perfect job, we have to try to make the most of the job we have now. 

Here are some ideas:

1. Time Management: It’s probably the best but hardest thing to master. Determining what can wait until the next day and what you need to do now based on priority. You don’t want to take care of all the non-essentials and then at the end of the day scramble to take care of what you are now realizing is a must on the to-do list. The best time management tip is this: take a few moments to collect your thoughts and make a list of what you need to do for the day.

2. Cutting BS activities: Sometimes we engage in non essential work habits that we “think” are productive but are really a waste of time and causing your hours to be longer. Things like engaging in office gossip, constant bathroom and smoke breaks, the lunch hour thats over extended and results in reduced employee productivity. It’s ok to engage in these activities here and there, but constant and daily disruptions to work will be noticed by higher ups and will extend your work day and make you less productive at work.

3. Delegate: I really struggle with this one. I really think I’m the best person to do the work so I’ll take on all the work I can, then I’ll burn out badly. Taking work off your shoulders and giving it to someone else might seem like you’re passing off your responsibilities but it’s really not. In a corporate environment usually the workhorse takes on everything, sacrifices personal time and energy to get everything done. Do you want to be the workhorse? Everyone should do their share and if you feel overwhelmed don’t be afraid to speak up and give work off to others who are less busy, and then hold them accountable for their work.

4. Take Time Off: Take all your PTO, especially if it doesn’t roll over. Take personal days and sick days if your not feeling great. I usually take a mental day after a long project. You can’t get work stress if you’re not at work!

5. Don’t Be The Workhorse: Learn how to say “No I’m not going to do this. Not because I don’t want to but because I can’t.” Learn to say no if you think something might be unfair to you. The workplace is cold-hearted and everyone is vying for their own interests. My experience in the corporate world is that these companies can take the best intentioned employees, the ones that are passionate about their work, and turn them into human capital to be exploited for productivity.  Saying no sometimes allows you to create boundaries that are needed.

6. Live Closer To Work-Commuting sucks. I have a 2 hour commute round trip and if I could shorten it I would. Often we have to consider work life balance in the sense of, am I willing to spend more on rent to get time back for my commute? Right now I’m not in a position to move but do try to take into account heavy traffic times and avoid them so I can try to minimize time lost in traffic.

7. Change Careers: I decided I wanted to be in real estate. I wanted the big money.  And after 5 years I finally have all the money needed to pay off my student loans. I’m also working 50-70 hours and work Saturdays. Even if I changed jobs the hours would likely still include weekends and evenings. I need a career that is more flexible, work from home, or I need to save more so I can eventually scale back the hours. Changing careers is not always feasible, definitely not at the drop of a hat, but I’m making serious moves to change that and free up some time, even if it means a pay cut.

8. Quality of life VS Cost of living: That’s always the underlying question when it comes to achieving work life balance. Are you working hard just to make ends meet? In which case, you might need to move to a less expensive area. I see so many people making high earning salaries but CHOOSING to live in a high cost area. At the end of the day they’re just making their bills and it’s kind of a waste of income.

I hope these tips helped Feel free to comment below your tricks to balancing it all and avoiding work stress.

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Check out my other posts!

Dealing with Toxic Work Culture

Work Smarter, Not Harder

What To Do When You Dislike Your Job

How To Be Charismatic & How To Be More Likable

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Ever Wanted To Learn How To Be Charismatic Or How To Be More Likable?

I had a request about how to be more confident and I thought why not, let’s talk confidence, charisma and magnetism. And it’s honestly a hard topic to write about or even grasp. Confidence is such an intangible quality that is so allusive to most people. But we are all drawn to it. You might even ask yourself, “Am I Charismatic?,”How to be more likable” and “How to be Charismatic?”

I’m a natural introvert. In high school I was like a wallflower; I was quiet, soft spoken, trying to fall under the wings of my more extroverted friends and did not possess ANY natural charisma. I always associated confidence with being outgoing, popular, attractive, friendly and extroverted.

I painfully tried to fit in with my friends by displaying these characteristics. And at the end of it all, I still wasn’t confident. I was negative and jealous with a victim mentality. I had social anxiety; I would scroll through my newsfeed with a feeling of missing out… I was unhappy during high school and college because I was constantly comparing myself to everyone around me.

Fast forward to 2018 I’m now the most confident version of myself. I’m magnetic, and charismatic. I learned how to be more likable. I can talk to pretty much anybody and have accomplished most of my life goals. Last year I went to my 10 year high school reunion. I was hoping to see some friends I fell out of touch with. I wasn’t afraid to go up to people and mingle, I also wasn’t second guessing myself when I felt like sitting on my own and observing. I was happy and content to just be there, unapologetically.

I’m going on a tangent about my own self growth but the point of the topic is that self growth and confidence doesn’t come to everyone overnight. For some people it comes easier, but everyone is capable of being confident, charismatic and magnetic.

Work on the life you want for yourself.

I want you to close your eyes and envision the confident image you’ve always had for yourself. I want you to really think about that person. What they look like and what they are doing with their life. Are they with a career and family? Is that person traveling? Are they living in the big city? Are they the rock for their immediate family? Then I want you to think about why you came up with that image. What are your values that are creating that image? These are your core desires and not fulfilling them are what is causing that feeling of dissatisfaction/ lack of confidence.

Core desires are things you want for yourself that are integral to you self image. For some people a core desire is to be truly loved, to make a lot of money, or to look beautiful. There are a million different things that we can desire from the core of our being.

On a side note: these values might change over time. You might get to where you were going and realize, “hey, this isn’t really where I wanted to be. Let me tweak this a little.” That’s ok too.

Once you realize what your core values are and what you want from your life, you’ll be able to set real goals or accomplish them. I’m not talking about “oh, I want to be a entrepreneur and be my own boss in a few years or I’m going to be dating the love of my life soon” type goals.

I’m talking concrete goals with a tentative completion date. Actual steps to make that a reality.

Confidence, Charisma and Magnetism is hard work. People who know how to be more likable and who display these kind of characteristics tend to invest A LOT into themselves. They get these qualities from genuinely loving and appreciating the life they worked hard to achieve. There’s no shortcut for building a great self-esteem and sense of self.

I know for the past 10 years I’ve been pushing this image of myself. Little ole’ 19 year old me wanted to be a career woman, a reliable outgoing personable personality and be with my man of my dreams who truly loved and cared for me. For the past 10 years every choice and decision I made has been to grow in those areas. And now I’m finally comfortable in my own skin knowing that the person I always knew I was capable of being is truly who I am now. I have a great career that pays the bills, I have family that loves me and who I can be 100% myself around and with the love of my life who (surprise!) was there from the start!

Confidence also comes from changing perspectives and looking at things from a brighter perspective. Sometimes we can’t always change our situations right away but a good perspective can help us gain the confidence and charisma to change them.

I’m still a work in progress, but I’ve definitely come a long way in terms of being more likable and attracting what I want out of life. That includes love, friendship, and money.

This post is just an introduction on what changes you’ll need to take to get there but feel free to read my other post on personal growth, The Power Of Positivity and The Power Of Change.

Also check out these posts on CHARISMA

Be Charismatic By Mastering Small Talk

What Does Your Body Language Say About You?

How To Interview Well: Tips & Tricks For The Perfect Interview

How to Budget: Personal Finance Basics


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How To Budget And Personal Finance Basics

I used to sit with my dad as he combed through the finances, his brows furrowed in concentration. Little did I know that on those mornings I was subconsciously learning how to budget and personal finance basics. They say we learn everything from our parents.

He’d sit on a stool at our open kitchen and just devour the information over a cup of joe. I was curious. Why did he devote all this time to his spreadsheet? Was this a work project?

He went over how he calculated all the household expenses and income and balance it all. He kept tabs on check balances and even his car depreciation.

It kind of went over my head. I was busy just trying to figure out what I wanted for breakfast or how to laze around for the day. I honestly spent a majority of my 20s not knowing much about my finances or how much I made. I always worked during college and had a plethora of jobs after. I could afford the things and experiences I wanted, but I didn’t really know how much was being spent; how much was wasted or saved. To this day I wonder how much I could have been saving during this time.

The first time I had to budget I just made a list of the income and combed through every single expenditure that I made. Then at the end, I subtracted the expenses from the income. Every coffee I bought, every lunch I ate out, and every trip to Target I took was recorded. It hurt. I literally cringed when I realized how much was being wasted.

I mean, did I really spend $50 on coffee this month??

And what was that subscription on my card? They’ve been charging me for over a year!

I realized I could be saving thousands a year and making more out of my money if I accounted for it all and held myself responsible on how it was spent. However, I realized this wayyy too late in the game; the money was already spent. I felt really bad after realizing how much was wasted. Part of me didn’t want to keep going and budgeting, that’s how bad I felt.

Now It’s been 4 years of budgeting. 3 years. I keep it all on a spreadsheet. Google Spreadsheets :). I can track how much my income has increased in those 3 years. I can track how much my overall spending has been by category. I can brainstorm on ways to cut costs or increase income. I can make long term goals like paying off all my debt and estimate the last payment date.

Omg I love spreadsheets!

And I don’t spend hours upon hours on it. I pretty much spend a half hour tracking my spending twice a month. Once in the middle and again at the end. Literally ONE HOUR a month. I recommend setting mid month goals and then reassessing for the latter part of the month if your unclear or are unable to meet your goals.

Below is a simple sample of what you can do.

Income

Take home Salary $2500

Expenses

Rent $-700

Food $-250

Transportation $-200

Internet $-50

Electricity $-50

Phone $-70

Misc (shopping/medical related costs/eating out) $-600

Credit card payments $-100

Student loans $-150

Total expenditures= $-2170

Savings $330

Tip: Put your savings towards credit card debts and student loans to make the payoff date faster. Or save part of it for an unexpected expense.

I wouldn’t say budgeting will fix any money problems overnight but it will definitely give you a sense of control over your finances, plan for a rainy day and create a long term plan with goals. But personal finance and gaining control of your spending/earning is the first step.

Websites like Mint and Money Trackin can help you keep it all if you’re not crazy about the spreadsheet idea.

Update: I have saved sooo much money this way, literally thousands of dollars. It’s a very simple strategy but it 100% works. It’s all about motivation, perseverance and keep up with the tracking.

Feel free to comment below on your goals or feedback on your budget!

Check out my other post:

The Biggest Financial Decision You’ll Ever Make

The Inside Scoop on Swagbucks. Is It Legit?

How To Save Tons Of Money On Groceries 6 Easy Tips!

Dear Single Friends, This Is Why You’re Still Single. Love, Your Married Friend.


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“Why am I still single?” I’m A Married Friend That’s Heard That Over And Over Again

This post is not meant to be a personal attack on single people or say marriage is better than being single. This post is for people who are wondering why they’re still single and want advice from a married friend.

I’ve noticed a few things that people keep doing that prevent them from having healthy and growing relationships. Self-sabatoge, if you may. You may not even notice that this behavior is occurring but trust and believe that these habits will keep ANYONE from finding a fulfilling relationship. It may have been a habit you kind of fell into or something you grew up around but we’re here today because those habits are just not working and need to be changed.

Here are some of those toxic relationship habits:

1. You are unrealistic: I hate to put it this way but the dating scene is a market like any other. We all come with strengths and weaknesses. Pluses and minuses. We can’t all get prince charming or the hottest babe at the beach. You really get what you bring to the table. And you need to be honest with yourself with what it is and manage your expectations. Declaring yourself a “bad bitch” and “all that” is great talk. But are you independent? Are you compassionate? A good cook? Caring? Genuine? Breakups usually happen when one or two people in a relationship realize that there was a misrepresentation somewhere and there isn’t any true compatibility.

FeedMe

2. You’re selfish: I have single friends who are this type. Demand, demand, demand. As their married friend, I just shake my head. They make their partners jump through hoops, complain about everything their partner does wrong. Does not share time with their partner but expects their partners to drop everything for them. These selfish types are usually lots of fun but leave a string of heartbreak and disappointment behind them. It really doesn’t work to be in a relationship with this type of person, you’ll always feel like you’re bending backwards to please them. If this is you in a relationship, you’ll need to work hard and start making small gestures of selfless acts and love to repair the damage you’ve done to your relationships

3. White nights/Florence Nightingales: they love to make people people better, even at their own expense. They are the opposite of the selfish type. They enable but eventually resentment slips in for all the “sacrifices” they made in the relationship. Most of all they need to be with partners they can accept, not change. I am the worst offender for this type of habit. I loved the idea of changing someone, if they could change for me then that meant they really loved me. But that was the worst type of thinking. It was that type of thinking that eventually resulted in my heart being broken many times.

4. Peter Pans: they are never going to grow up. Time is not on their mind and they think they have all the time in the world to find a partner. They are not mature enough and they know it. Peter Pans are afraid of making the wrong decision so they avoid making decisions in their life that have long term meaning. This usually manifests itself in a relationship with one partner relying on the other to make day to day decisions. They’re really looking for someone to fill the role of Mom or Dad.

5. No self love: This is probably the most important and underlying problem. This probably underlies problems 1-4. Self love is so important. Not loving yourself, understanding yourself, accepting yourself and working on yourself can cause a whole set of behavioral problems. Accept your own faults and then work on them. We aren’t perfect but we need to accept ourselves and grow. People who don’t self-love are usually bitter, angry, depressed, and a whole range of negative emotions and vibes overall. It’s really hard to be in a relationship like this with someone who has insecurity and confidence issues. Don’t wait for a partner to boost your confidence because all that is is a bandaid over your lack of self-love. Work on it now while you can so you can enter a new relationship with the best possible mindset.

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I think the key to a life partner is self love, genuine love and care for your partner and the right expectations. Before you can even begin to have a healthy and nurturing relationship, you need to work on yourself and get your own mental blocks out of the way. It’s easier said than done but relationships are a lot of work. It can be easy to some and harder to others. Long term relationships can be so rewarding, but they often don’t come easy. So as your married friend, I’ll tell you to take your time and start loving yourself first. That’s what’s most important.

Which bad habit are you most guilty of? Feel free to comment below!

Check out my other relationships posts:

Why Dating Culture Doesn’t Work Towards Marriage

The Biggest Red Flags In A Relationship

How To Get A Guy To Commit Without Pressure And Fall In Love With You

Get Over Your Ex Now! With These Easy Tips