How To Get A Guy To Commit Without Pressure And Fall In Love With You

Kissing couple in love
Kissing couple in love outdoors

There are just some girls who have that oomph. That special something that makes guys turn their head and and want to get to know you. I used to wonder how those girls always got the guy I wanted or why they always had men hanging on their every word.

Over time I learned their secret on how to get the guy of your dreams and keep him. It’s actually not that hard. And I know you’re going to say “how can you know how to get my guy? All men and women are different.. Dating is different for everyone!” Actually no, it’s not. Let’s not remake the wheel. For thousands of years women have been attracting men and only the best women who knew these tips and stuck to them got the best man in their lives.

To make a point, I think we can all agree that nearly all women want a man they consider attractive, who is reliable, kind, honest, (at the very minimum) able to hold his own, and without baggage. Now we might want more or less but this is the bare bones of what most women desire.

How do we get this guy that most women want? I was often plagued by self doubt thinking that I was just one of many women being considered.

Here are my 3 top secrets: 1,2, 3 need to be executed together, this is key ?!!!

1. Be physically attractive

No matter your age, being put together and having a style that says you’re confident in your own skin is essential. You might think this is shallow but men are visual creatures, though their tastes may differ. But I would say most men find healthy and clean women attractive. That’s it. That’s the all you need to be considered physically attractive to men.

But surprisingly, a lot of women end up neglecting themselves. And in this increasingly demanding world, who can blame them? But the issue is when you’re neglecting yourself, it says to the world how you feel about yourself. I know this is an unpopular opinion because of “women don’t need to do anything to attract men” feminism. But it takes two to tango and men do get to choose their preferences. I also recommend to always be prepared to meet Mr. Right wherever you go. Not to say you should be dressed in cocktail attire with a full face of makeup all the time, but you also shouldn’t be walking outside with holes in you shirt and stains in your pants.

Here are some tips to help get guys to look your way

A.Exercise: a must do for all women to keep their minds and bodies in a good place.

B.Makeup: this is a bit controversial. Not all women want to wear makeup. At a minimum a good moisturizer is needed for women going without makeup. You also don’t need to cake it on, just to enough to highlight your features.

C.Manicures and Pedicures: there is something about this that just gives a woman a polished look. It doesn’t even have to be all out crazy, even a clear manicured set would look better than ragged, dirty, overgrown nails. I’ve been guilty of going out like that and it always made me feel gross.

D.A Diverse Wardrobe: I think it’s important to have a wardrobe that’s diverse enough for all occasions. How you dress says a lot about you. That doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot, just a few staple pieces that can go with everything else. Wearing yoga pants everyday doesn’t say much about you other than you like to be comfortable.

2.Personality/Confidence

Having a good personality isn’t a given. Some people have it naturally, others are good at faking it, some totally lack it. I won’t define what exactly a good personality is but at a minimum it includes social grace, kindness, self-awareness and empathy. Without all 4 of these things your personality is unbalanced and will likely cause a rift with your partner.

Confidence also plays a large role in your personality. I’ve written a few posts on confidence.

What Does It Take To Be Charismatic and Likeable?

What Does Your Body Language Say About You?

Be Charismatic By Mastering Small Talk

It’s easier said than done, but getting to a place mentally where you can stand firm in yourself and your decisions is attractive. Social grace is almost impossible to achieve without confidence. Self awareness requires confidence in oneself. Empathizing requires seeing outside of yourself, understanding how others feel and being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

Not to say that women can’t have personality but with technology dominating our lives, constantly on our cell phones and social media, developing personality has taken a backseat. Constantly searching for likes and reposts has caused us to become a bit more self absorbed and we’ve lost our ability to empathize.

Together with being attractive, having the confidence and personality, guys will notice you and want to get to know you on a deeper level.

3.Modesty

This is going to be a very unpopular opinion but I’m going to be frank. Women who have sex with their dates immediately and are able to get a long term commitment are in the minority. Often times guys aren’t thinking about their long term relationship goals when they are jumping in the sack with a woman they just started dating.

I’ve made the mistake of thinking, “if he doesn’t get it from me, he’ll get it somewhere else.” And that’s really flawed thinking because a guy that thinks like that is NEVER going to commit to you no matter what you do and is a waste of your time.

Now l’m not going to specify how long to wait. It’s different for everyone. But think of sex as a cake topper. It goes on top after all the other layers of the cake. So after you’ve established trust, understanding, knowing the other person and all the other things that builds a basis for relationship, you can then feel confident to have sex with your partner without it hurting the chances for a long term commitment.

4.Youth

This is optional since obviously not everyone is able to find their partner in their youth for a variety of reasons. I’m not saying that older women are less attractive. But the main benefit of seriously seeking out a partner in your youth (early 20s-early 30s) is that most people are still unattached. Especially men who are emotionally available and working towards financial stability. By 35 most men and women have children and/or are married. During those prime dating years, there’s less pressure to find a partner. Essentially you still have time to comfortably date someone for some time, become engaged and get married before you seriously need to think about children, if you want them.

When looking for a partner in these years, it’s important not to waste time on the wrong incompatible men. Things to consider are attraction, financial stability, personality compatibility, religion, and any other personal deal breakers.

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Finding the man of your dreams and keeping him has a lot to do with you and what you want for yourself. Implementing these 3 or 4 concepts together is what makes for an irresistible woman. All men and women are different, but these core tips will absolutely help you to snag your man and start building the relationship of a lifetime.

Feel free to check out my other posts:

Dear Single Friends, This Is Why You Are Still Single. Love, Your Married Friend.

My Favorite Dating Book: Why Men Love Bitches

The Biggest Red Flags In A Relationship

Why Dating Culture Doesn’t Work Towards Marriage

 

 

 

Tags: Best relationship advice, healthy relationship tips, love and relationships, break up, marriage relationship, relationship problems, help me with my relationship, relationship guidance, love help, in love, fell in love, when a man falls in love.

Get Over Your Ex Now! With These Easy Tips

Breakup of a couple with sad girlfriend and boyfriend walking away with city in the background

Not all relationships were made to last and I’d be lying if I didn’t linger a little too long in past relationships but I’ve definitely learned over time how to kick the bucket quickly when a difficult breakup with boyfriend has gone sour.

I’ve written a few posts on love before including Biggest Red Flags in A Relationship and What is Love, so this is just a follow up on ending relationships that just aren’t meant to be. And is my best break up advice for women.

1 Cut Contact

Cutting contact with an ex is the hardest thing to do, especially when it’s someone that you’ve been dating for a while. You might have gotten used to them being there for you for nightly chats, companionship, financial help and overall support. Cutting the cord can be scary and daunting. You have to want to get over a breakup with an ex.

I recommend starting with blocking the person on your phone so they can’t call or text you. You’ll also need to cut them from social media and remove their ability to contact you from there. I wouldn’t say that email is next, because it’s a pain in the ass to move all your emails and notices to a different email. The best thing to do is to create an email rule that pushes emails from your ex to Trash or Junk.

In a very deep entanglement, I highly recommend changing phone numbers. When I tell my friends that, the first thing they say is, “Why should I have to be the one to change my number, it’s been my number forever!”

My response is, “keeping your phone number is a way of letting your partner have easy access to contacting you.” I mean, think about it, your phone is always with you!

2) Get rid of memorabilia

Break off all memory. They say “Time heals all wounds.” But it doesn’t help if you keep tokens of the relationship or photos of your previous love.

Some of you might shake your head and say, “I shared some important memories with this person, I just can’t get rid of them.” And I completely get that point of view but In that case, I would recommend storing the items, photos, and memories for a later time when you’ve finally gotten over that person. Store them with a friend, family member or even in mini storage until you can look back at the relationship and feel nothing.

Things I would list as emotionally triggering: photos, jewelry, old clothes from your partner, emails, texts, gifts and any place that you used to frequent with them. The mind is a powerful place and you can easily find yourself visiting memory lane and feeling a lot of nostalgia and heartache with any of these reminders.

3) Sharing friends:

This is probably the hardest thing to manage since friends will likely feel torn if they are closely connected to you and your Ex.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t establish boundaries for what you’re comfortable with.

If your friends are torn between two partners, you don’t need to make them choose. You can establish that for right now you just can’t be near that partner, even as friends, and to not include you in events their attending.

You can also request privacy from your friends. There’s no reason why your Ex should be able to check in on you through friends. True friends wouldn’t gossip about how you’re doing behind your back and would choose to stay neutral.

In the end you might lose some friends, but that’s their choice to make whether they want to pick sides or not. A breakup like this can be very eye opening as to who your true friends are.

When do you know when your finally over an Ex?

When you can look at pictures and not feel any remorse, regret or sadness. One day you’ll be able to look back at pictures or visit an place you used to frequent and feel a calm nostalgia like, “this was a part of my life, but now it’s not.”

Being over an Ex means that you’re able to pass them in the street and not feel embarrassment, fear, shame or sadness.  You can kind of look back at the time you spent with them and feel little to no emotion over what caused the breakup.

Most importantly, FORGIVENESS is the tell-tale sign of being over an Ex.  Because only when your able to forgive, are you able to move-on.

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Feel free to read my other posts on relationships including:

What is Love?

My Favorite Dating Book: Why Men Love Bitches

The Biggest Red Flags In A Relationship

Dating in Your 30s vs Dating In Your 20s

 

Tags:

How to get over an ex

Getting over a breakup

How to get over your ex

How to get over your Ex fast

What is Love?

It’s the question I’ve been trying to answer since I can remember. I’m kinda drawn to these kind thoughts, to explore a concept as complex as love and understand it at its core.

Merriam-Webster defines love as: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.

But love, especially true romantic love is hard to grasp or even conceptualize. Is it like Jesus, a belief that comes from faith? How do we know love is real? How can we show our loved ones that we really DO love them?

I’m not just talking about romantic love, love can be experienced in a multitude of relationships including friendship and family relations.

So to help me understand this “emotion” and feeling, I’ve grouped love into 3 distinct categories that I’ve noticed in my life and in the lives of friends and family of how we experience the idea of “Love.”

False love

I had a friend that had a boyfriend every three months. Her relationships tended to be intense, full of hand holding, kissing, snuggling, and gifts.  I admit, younger me was very jealous. If only someone can love me like that.

But the thing was, that the love never lasted. Eventually there would be some irreconcilable flaw that caused her to break up with her boyfriends. Infatuation tends to look like this, that’s why it’s a false love. You’re kind of chasing an ideal. The person you’re dating initially seems to fit the ideal, they seem to fit what your ego says is a good partner. But people rarely are so two-dimensional. Eventually a persons flaws and shortcomings come together and cause the infatuation to end. And that’s when this type tends to “fall out of love.”

Then there are the people who are missing something desperately in their lives. Sometimes, they just didn’t get the kind of love they wanted from their parents or went through a breakup that broke them. There’s a lot of self-love that’s still needed for these people. As a result, their relationships are kind of on autopilot, without much thought.

We all know that one person that dates people to fill up their time. One date leads to another, then another. Suddenly, they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Months pass, even years but this couple has fallen into a routine of just filling each-others voids without really knowing or loving each other. Brunch on Sundays, Friday dinner dates with their phones, and silence in between.  Love is almost assumed and expected to be part of these relationships but whether love is truly felt is a different story.

You’d be surprised at how long these types of relationships can last. Relationships that are, in essence, toxic and mediocre. Comfort can be a strong substitute for love.

Conditional love, flawed love, broken love

Sometimes two people really love each other. It’s not just infatuation. They get to know each other and appreciate each other. They sacrifice and give for each other and appreciate the time they spend together. This is love! But how is this not perfect pure love?

The issue is, despite all that, there are strings attached to that love, there are roadblocks and obstacles, and there are indiscretions.

So it can’t be perfect.

A LOT of relationships fall in this category. Over time, life tends to bang us up, we get hurt and we start to put up walls that keep us from truly loving our partners.

I would describe my marriage as one of those conditional relationships. I absolutely adore K, for everything that he does for us and for his strengths. But would I still love him the same if for whatever reason, he couldn’t provide for our family? If he wasn’t able to be the person he’s always been?

If I had to be honest with myself, probably not. It would be a challenge.

At least I recognize this in myself and I’m working on trying to be more understanding, giving and flexible.

Sometimes two people get together and they are SO different from each other. It’s amazing at first but it also causes misunderstandings and difficulties. Maybe they love spending time together and love each other for who they are and their background but its hard to communicate. The constant fighting in between due to differences can take its toll. This love is flawed because the communication isn’t there. These types of relationships need constant work.

Imagine two people. Aaron and Kim. Aaron’s love language is physical touch. He likes to cuddle, kiss and all that. That’s how he expresses his love and how he expects love in return. Kim, likes acts of love. She thinks it’s amazing when Aaron gets her soup when she’s sick, or when he helps her around the house when she’s overwhelmed. They might love each other but if they can’t express that love in a way that works for the other partner, there will always be discord and difficulty in the relationship.

Your relationship can be perfect. You can be happy and truly appreciate your partner and what they bring to the table. You can communicate perfectly and understand each other. Life is good. But then someone makes a mistake. They cheat either emotionally or physically. Skeletons might reveal themselves from the closets. Financial indiscretions. What do you do? You love this person, their perfect for you and you can’t imagine life without them. But these problems are breaking the love you have for them and it’s becoming clear that these hurdles and trust issues will ALWAYS need to be worked on.

Broken love is the hardest, because it really requires you to look beyond the obstacle and forgive/accept your partner.  Not everyone can do that.  Not everyone can forgive their partner if they cheat or reveal they have a shopping addiction they’ve hid for 3 years that’s causing debt.  It’s hard.

All of these types of relationships aren’t 100% bad but they’re not 100% good either. I do believe that these problems can be fixed with time, honesty, and commitment towards a better relationship.

It takes so much personal growth to be able to accomplish a relationship based on pure true love. So in a way, these relationships are good since they can help us grow in that direction by forcing us to overcome difficulty.

True pure love

Is the hardest to attain and maintain. The best way to describe it is Love without boundaries. Like the paternal or maternal love for a child. You accept the person 100% for who they are and care for them without expectation.

Very few relationships, be it friendships, partners or even family, can reach this level of love.

It requires that you put your ego aside, at times get less than you give, and be selfless, honest and genuine.

I think it’s the type of love I feel for my daughter, and my parents for me. Unconditional, unwavering and free.

The truth is, not all relationships can maintain this type of love nor should they.

We should aspire for it though, as hard as it is to attain, because this kind of love makes us better.

I wish I had more to say about true pure love other than it’s special and work pursuing.  Unfortunately, the world doesn’t make that easy for anyone to pursue or achieve.  I’ve seen false love ad broken love break people’s trust so that their no longer open to a REAL relationship.

I wish you all the best in love.  In love we want to win but only when we’re willing to lose can we truly attain the type of love we desire.

Other Posts:

Why Dating Culture Doesn’t Work Towards Marriage

My Favorite Dating Book: Why Men Love Bitches

Dating in Your 30s vs Dating In Your 20s

Dating in Your 30s vs Dating In Your 20s

Dating In Your 30s Vs Dating In Your 20s
Dating In Your 30s Vs Dating In Your 20s

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Is There Really A Difference Between Dating In Your 30s vs Dating In Your 20s

I still have single friends and after a night out together and sharing our latest stories/happenings I realized that the dating game absolutely changes as you get older. Dating in your 20s is not the same as dating in your 30s.

A few my friends who were definitely carefree and wild in their 20s are now seeing that dating in their 30s is more of a purposeful search for a life partner.

And though I’m no longer part of the dating scene I’ve learned a few things second hand from both girlfriends and guyfriends on what’s changed.

In Your 20s:

It’s More Superficial:

I remember going to get ready for clubbing on a night out and analyzing ever single thing about my outfit, my hair and my makeup. Clubs are actually really gross and sweaty places. By the end of the night I looked like a train wreck but that didn’t really matter because I needed to look perfect. I mean, you never know who you’ll meet on a night out. (I met no one worth mentioning BTW). I found that a lot of relationships during this time in life are built on what the other person brings to the table. How good someone looks, what career they’re studying for or just starting. These are great things to consider but in your 30s you realize that a persons character holds a lot more weight.

It’s Aimless But Full Of Learning Experiences:

A lot of people view their 20s as a time to explore and find out their preferences. Very few people feel ready to make a long term, marriage type relationship when they’re dating in their 20s. It’s a period where where you date assh*les and b*tches, then learn that dating assh*oles and b*tches are a waste of time. You also learn your sexual preferences and desires, then realize that these things are non negotiable and an essential part of any loving and meaningful relationship.

More Insecure:

Most 20 year olds are insecure. Often about different things, your looks, your career, where you fit in the scheme of things. It’s such a strange time in your life. You literally just finished being a child from 10-20 years old and now you’re expected to have it all figured out when you’re 20-30 with what career you have, who you’re dating and how you fit into the world. In my 20s, I felt like I was playing a role, a role of who I thought a 20yr old version of me would be. All my relationship problems circled around my partner helping me feel more secure and validating me and fitting into the role I thought he should be playing. Or me trying to fit into someone else’s role. It wasn’t really healthy.

You’re At The Peak Of Your Youth:

I remember being 25, looking at myself in the mirror and thinking “It’s going downhill from here.” I was at the peak of my beauty/youth and no matter how I tried to chase it, I’m only getting older. I was so used to rolling out of bed and just throwing on some lipgloss and eyeliner and being ready to go. At 29, I feel more confident in my looks but can’t help but notice the circles under my eyes that don’t go away or the way my eyes crinkle when I smile. Not to say that only 20-25 year olds can be considered attractive, older women and men can still be attractive, but there’s something about being that age that just gave me more energy and life. I guess it was also about attitude. When your whole life is in front of you, there’s so much optimism. As a 29 year old, I have a better idea of how the world works and I’m not misguided with my ideals.

In Your 30s

It’s Meaningful:

After one too many meaningless hookups or going nowhere relationships, you realize that the superficial doesn’t really make you happy. You want a connection, someone to come home to at the end of the day, someone who shares the same interest and, hopefully, someone to build a family with. You want someone with character who treats everyone respectfully and stands up for the people around them.

It’s Purposeful:

I think women really start looking for a life partner closer to 25-30 while men start looking around 30-35. As we get older we realize that life is too short to spend with people who are short lived in your life. I realized happiness was with the people around me not with how many people I had around me. This became an important life lesson that relationships and friendships needed a purpose for being there and that you needed to be able to give value to their lives too. In essence, relationships are a two way street and a one way relationship, either on your part and on the other persons part, is going to be a waste of time.

You Know What You Want:

After all the mishaps and mistakes, you finally know what you’re looking for. Each breakup, each unrequited love, each disappointment has brought you closer to the truth of what you need in your life. What a relief it is to finally know that your previous relationships weren’t in vain but were more of a stepping stone for where you need to be. You’re less likely to settle or jump into a relationship just because you can. You’re more likely to pursue compatibility and look towards the long term future of your partners.

You’re Independent:

I’m so independent now. I’m settled into my career, don’t need any help financially, my debt is nearly settled and I have a 401k. I’m able to eat a meal in public by myself without feeling weird and am able to stay home on a Friday night without feeling bad about it. I can get to where I need to go without asking for a ride and feel much more in control of my life. I think 30s is when you start REALLY feeling like an adult capable of holding your own and it feels amazing being able to confidently manage my own life. I really stopped relying on other people to make me happy and started focusing on making happiness a choice and owning that choice. This helps you bring more to a relationship where you’re not looking for someone else to fill the void either financially or spiritually. It makes you more of a catch when you’ve let go of your baggage and hangups. I like to think of it like two wholes coming together.

So, do you think dating in your 20s is harder, or dating in your 30s? Let me know how you’ve changed between 20s and 30s in your relationship. Feel free to like, follow, share or comment if you felt this post was useful. 🙂

Check out my other posts

Why Dating Apps Suck

How To Get A Guy To Commit Without Pressure And Fall In Love With You

The Biggest Red Flags In A Relationship