Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov is one of my favorite dating books for women who feel like their not getting what they want out of their dating experience.
I will give this recommendation with a caveat. Essentially it’s one of those dating books that talks about how to get a very specific type of man and keep him interested. The book doesn’t talk to much about the type of men that like bitches. But after reading, I got the vibe that this book is talking about men who are objectively attractive, somewhat respectful, intelligent, and has his shit together. Pretty much the man every woman wants when she says she wants a decent man.
When I picked up this book at 23 years old I was going through a lot of guy problems. I was asking, “Where are all the good men?” I just didn’t understand why guys would show interest in me and then not follow through. Like, I was pretty, interesting and educated. What was I doing wrong? The thing was, I was also too agreeable, too available and too naggy. I wasn’t setting boundaries or setting standards. I didn’t know how. I often wondered why some women got everything without even an effort. And why men found certain, more assertive and confident, women attractive. Meanwhile, I was bending over backwards to impress guys and keep them wanting more. I wanted to learn how to attract a good man and also keep him. I wanted to find a man who was husband material.
What I especially like about this dating book were the stories. There are some really relatable stories. There was Crystal who, after her date told her that he wanted to stay friends, stood him up when he tried to get him to booty call her. She said, sure, just wait for me outside with an umbrella so I won’t get wet when I get there. 3 hours later after thinking she was 5 mins away, he gets a brick to the face of cold, hard reality. She was never gonna come over and be that booty call.
There was also Jen who, though very pretty and confident, thought she should exercise her sexuality freely and early. Jen gave the juju bean too early, usually within 1-2 dates and was shocked when a guy she really liked asked her, “how often she had sex on a first date.” Sherry makes it clear, you’ve got to be perceptive about the different ways you can be perceived. Even if it’s a one off type of one night stand, be prepared for the assumptions that could be made.
I like how Sherry just tells it how it is. She’s not exactly politically correct, she takes a more traditional stand on when a woman should have sex. Sex is available to women fairly easily, so using it to get a guy to spend time with you isn’t anything special. Rather, how a a guy treats you after he’s been satisfied will tell a lot about what he thinks.
Why Men Love Bitches also did it’s homework. She did an extensive amount of interviews with men and women to get what they thought on a lot of topics. She discovered a lot of secrets about men through their testimonials
One of the men she interviewed admitted that men are addicted to the thrill of the chase. Sherry uses a lot of comparisons but I think the best one is that the chase is comparable to watching a close football game. If the score is 47-3 it’s not really exciting but if we’re talking 24-24, suddenly it’s the best game he’s ever seen.
I think her section on sex answered a lot of questions I had. “How long is too soon to have sex? What if he decides he doesn’t want to wait? Am I being a tease?” Hearing someone answer these questions for me, really helped me be confident in my choices.
Every man has an ego and Sherry teaches you how to gracefully handle the male ego while staying feminine. She explains that men and women have masculine and feminine energy and that they kind of work as a sort of ying and yang that complete each other. The issue most women have is that they try to use masculine energy to keep up with their men and impress them. He likes football? Make sure he knows that you know every single stat going on in the season. Hoot louder than he does at the games. Curse obscenities dirtier than him when the team loses. Sure…that’s the way to his heart. Not! With feminine energy, you can get men to work with you, not against you, for a common goal.
Why Men Love Bitches also talks about walking away and having that power. She has what she calls “From Doorman To Dreamgirl Rules.” You always need to have a sense of independence. Don’t talk about the relationship. Don’t talk about fixing the relationship. Don’t talk about how to make the relationship better. She basically says that your actions will speak for the direction you want the relationship to go. Words are empty and not worth the effort. Your actions and what you’ll put up with will say more than words ever could.
Some of my favorite Sherry Argov quotes are:
“Being a bitch isn’t about exuding a certain kind of arrogance. Contrary to what the media would have us believe, it doesn’t matter how hip, cool or cocky you appear to be. Power is the control you have over yourself.”
“When a man treats a woman with disrespect and she takes it, he begins tools respect for her.”
“And if you feel like you’re going to resent something after you give it, don’t give it. Give only what feels comfortable to give.”
There are so many great quotes and great ideas here I could talk more about it, but I don’t want to spoil it for you. Let’s just say that this is a book I recommend to all my girlfriends, it will help a lot with your dating life. I’ve read it a few times and have gathered so many gems.
I do wish she wrote some updated dating books on how to deal with this whole online dating/ hookup culture that is now prevalent in our society. The book was written in 2009 but things are so much different now with Tinder, OKCupid, Instagram and all the other ways that have made dating a pain.
Overall, this is one of the best dating books for those who want to understand the behavioral differences between women and men. Also a great read for those who are marriage minded and want to find their life partners.
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