How To Look Younger: Best Anti Aging Regimen For 30s

How To Look Younger Best Anti Aging Regimen For 30s

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Millenials, we’re only getting older. I’m 31 now! It’s getting crazy, time just seems to start slipping by at this age with all the responsibilities and demands from life. My anti aging regimen for my 30s is not only going to keep the stress away but the wrinkles too, I mean, that’s my goal. “How to look younger” has been the question on my mind lately.

Looking in the mirror as a 31 year old millennial has been an act of self examination. One day the person looking back at me didn’t have that youthful gleam to her. My reflection started looking more mature, womanly and adult-like. But if I had to be 100% honest about it, I think I look WAYY better now than I did at 20. I now have the means to splurge on beauty and better fashion choices. And I’ll take looking womanly at 31 over looking child-like and barely legal at 20 any day.

For right now, I want to maintain this “womanly glow” for as long as possible before I start falling into the elderly look that most women start to get after 45. Looking younger isn’t necessarily the goal but maintaining this perfectly aged womanly look I have going on definitely is.

How to look younger at 30? How to look better after 30? How to maintain yourself in your 30s? As women I wish we didn’t have to care so much about our appearance but that’s society for you. If these are the questions you have in mind, here are some tips on how to look your best after 30:

Sunblock
When I was 22, I got my hands on this random sample of Bare Minerals powdered foundation. I loved it because it was super easy to use. I realized it had SPF 15 in it and I thought, hmm why would that be a benefit to add to makeup? I looked it up and I realized SPF had some major anti aging benefits. I thought, why stop at SPF 15? I want to be young forever! I picked up a bottle of Neutragena’s facial moisturizer with SPF 50 and I never looked back.

Having used sunblock on my face and body for nearly 10 years has made a huge difference. I don’t have smile lines or major forehead creases. My eyelids don’t droop beyond my eyelashes or look hooded. My tear troughs haven’t deflated much to the point where I need fillers.

This one trick of ALWAYS using high protection sunblock has definitely contributed to maintaining my looks in a way that is natural.

I remember back in my early 20s, my friends would literally bake at the beach for hours. I would lay next to them in the hot midsummer day sun and wonder, how the f*ck is this enjoyable, I feel like I’m suffocating under this heat. I rarely went sunbathing because I just didn’t enjoy it.

That was a blessing in disguise because my skin is pretty good due to lack of sun exposure.

The best thing women can do to maintain their looks is to start using sunblock in their teens and 20s. Once skin is damaged and starts to dull, you can’t really get it back without expensive laser treatments and even then the results aren’t guaranteed.

But sooner is better than later and if you haven’t started protecting your skin, now is the best time to do it.

Moisturizer
Too many people skip this step. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. On top of sunblock during the day, you need to moisturize your skin at least 2X a day. I recommend trying out a few different ones to see which one is most effective on your skin.

For those of you living in the tundra parts of North America, don’t let your skin get dry! This is almost as bad as sitting in the sun all day. Your skin will age more from the cold harsh winters. What you want is to keep a handheld moisturizer on you to keep your skin as nourished as possible.

I’m not saying you need the most expensive facial products to keep you young. I kept it simple and use this Olay eye cream that I feel is perfect for night time and even during the day. I know it’s an eye cream but I have no issues using it all over my face or using a concentrated amount on my problem areas. I’m pretty wrinkle free at 31, other than my crows feet (which I think adds character) so I would say this stuff works.

I also recommend a face mask. This Blue Lagoon face mask is pretty expensive, it’s $115, but it’s by far my favorite. I love this face mask because it only requires 5 minutes on your face. (I leave it on for 10). It’s not a FOREVER mask that you need to keep on to feel like it’s doing something. Then you wash it off and your face is literally GLOWING!!! For a cheaper result, I use this Korean collagen mask that I sit in for like an hour or until the liquid dries on my face LOL. The instructions say NOT to wash it off and sleep in it until the next morning. I think it’s like $30 for 5 masks, not too shabby either.

Less Makeup
In my teens and 20s I was obsessed with makeup. I had so many palettes, brushes and liptsticks. It was like a toy collection to me, I needed to have it all and learn how to blend, contour and make myself look as good as possible with makeup. I felt like it made me more mature.

But now in my 30s, my best anti aging regimen and advice is to lay off the makeup, I just can’t cake it all on. Foundation and concealer tends to find it’s way into my fine lines and creases creating this ultra, obvious, madeup look that looks bad. I just can’t wear several layers of makeup without it making me look older or tired. But I also can’t get away with no makeup without looking tired and older either. So it’s a bit of a catch 22.

I have a very simple routine now that works to keep me looking fresh and alive. I just touch on the essential makeup that I need to make the most difference in my face. That includes a good amount of under eye concealer, mascara, eyebrows, a pinch of blush and lipstick. No more blending in eyeshadow bullshit or contouring.

At the end of the day, youth is generally characterized by a fresh and natural face. Tons of makeup is not going to recreate that.

By the time you reach 30, less is more.

Fillers
Let’s talk fillers because now everyone and their mother is using fillers like Botox, Restalyn and whatever else they use now. Can fillers really make you look younger?

Yes they can. But in my opinion they should be used as a last resort. The thing about filler is that once you start using them, you kind of need to keep it up. You’re face will continue to age and depending on where you’ve gotten filler done it might even age faster due to the weight of the filler in your face or the trauma of injection.

If you want to make a measurable and immediate difference in how young you look, fillers are kind of like a cheat sheet. Quick and easy, but costly.

Less alcohol, more water
Alcohol is so delicious, I’m a big fan of wine, but it’s so dehydrating. If only we could drink water with the type of enthusiasm we drink wine with. This is something I’ve done for my 2020 goals.

No more alchohol or a very limited supply of it in exchange for water. Water is FREE, liquor is not. At 31, I’m tired of waking up with a headache after drinking a few glasses, like OMG why am I so dehydrated.

Drinking the recommended daily amount of water is known to help you look better and keep you healthier long term. This absolutely free beauty hack is ignored by so many women who are just too busy in their day to day to stop, take a break and drink some water.

Tasteful style
Finally, I’m at an age where I’m not dead broke. My 20s were a nightmare, I was literally counting pennies and constantly depressed and worried over my finances.

Now that I’ve finally “made it” as an adult, I can kind of relax my wallet and buy more tasteful clothes, shoes and accessories. I can finally invest in a haircut more than 1X a year and maybe get a hair treatment or two. These small added benefits definitely help you stay fresh and younger as you’re able to keep up with the trends easier.

Quality over quantity. I used to spend my money at Forever 21 and H&M to get the most bang for my buck. The clothes would shrink after the first wash or catch snags too easily. Their clothes never fit properly because they were made for the masses and quickly designed for the season and style of the month. Spending time buying clothes that FINALLY fit and building a closet that says I can dress well, is amazing and confidence boosting too. Looking and feeling good in what you wear will definitely keep you fresh, happy and youthful!

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Use all these tips and tricks CONSISTENTLY and you’ll find that you’re going to look AMAZING in your 30’s. They say 30 is the new 20 and I couldn’t agree more with it. I feel and look better than I ever have. I have more confidence in myself and a stronger understanding of who I am. And with these tips that I implement into my life, no one can ever guess my age accurately!

They say “youth is wasted on the young”…not if you’re still looking good in your 30s!

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How To Set Boundaries With Men & Examples Of Healthy Boundaries

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This is probably one of the hardest relationship topics I’ve ever tried to discuss. And this is the longest post I’ve ever written. It’s difficult mainly because boundaries are a very conceptual topic. What boundaries you might have someone else might not have, your boundaries might change with time or you might have a boundary you don’t even know about until it’s crossed. Learning how to set boundaries with men is not an easy task especially when we’ve been conditioned to give, give, give to our partners. In this post, I’m going to give you examples of healthy boundaries in relationships.

This post is really going to help you:
Understand why boundaries are necessary;
Identify what boundaries you have;
Identify moments when your boundaries are crossed; and
Understand the common ways boundaries are crossed and how to combat disrespectful behavior.

Why Learning How To Set Boundaries With Men Is Necessary

As women, we’ve been taught to give ourselves totally to our partners and hold nothing back. I don’t know if it’s from watching too many Disney movies or bad parenting advice to “play nice and share,” but women these days are finding themselves feeling lost, used, and walked all over in their dating lives.

You can go on any relationship forum and find constant posts on “Am I being used?” “I told him to stop doing this but he keeps doing X,Y,Z.” “My partner is doing X, am I overreacting?” These are posts about boundaries that were crossed. More often than not, these women “gave in” to the poor behavior and now are concerned about the state of their relationship and left feeling disrespected.

In the end of the day, learning how to set boundaries with men is not about CONTROL but about maintaining your own self esteem, mental health and self respect.
For this benefit ALONE we need to establish boundaries.
Because we all have felt that small sick feeling in the pit of our stomachs when a boundary has been pushed or cast aside and we didn’t give ourselves the chance to speak up.

Learning how to set boundaries with men is important whether you’re just dating casually or already married. Setting boundaries early will strengthen your relationships and take the guess work and miscommunication out of any encounter.

How to identify what boundaries you have:

Determining what boundaries we already have is the first step in being able to set them properly. A lot of times when I ask my friends where they see their relationships going or what they want out of their dating experiences I get, “oh, I don’t know, I just want to see where things go,” or “I’m just seeing my options, not decided on anything yet.”

This sort of wishy-washy mindset comes from the hopeful positive belief that if you keep things open, anything can happen. And that’s right, ANYTHING will happen and not necessarily things you wanted or expected.

Example) Jill has been dating Tom casually, she decided to keep things open and wasn’t ready to demand commitment. She was seeing him and a few other guys but she is sexually active with Tom only. After a sexual encounter with Tom, she notices that she’s getting pimples around her mouth and her genitals. At the Doctor’s office, it’s confirmed Tom gave her Herpes Virus 1 and she’ll be getting cold sores the rest of her life. She confronts Tom and finds out he’s also been dating around, a lot. This wasn’t what she wanted out of her open dating experience, but this was the result. (This actually happened to someone I know).

Terrible story, but life doesn’t play favorites and messed up things happen in the dating world all the time.

The key to establishing boundaries is to really THINK what you want out of any encounter, what you want out of your relationships, then determine your dealbreakers. These dealbreakers need to have consequences you stick with. Another essential part is to VOCALIZE your boundaries and ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE CROSSED. Hell needs to be raised when a boundary is crossed.

Jill later decided she was done with these open relationships. She decided that saying no to the forever talking phase was a boundary she needed to set. She knew she was still a catch so she decided to only have sex AFTER she secured commitment first. A lot of men walked away after hearing her demands but one man stayed and took the time to date her properly. She married him 3 years later.

So thinking through what your values are, what you will and will not accept from a potential partner or the partner you already have, and then vocalizing + committing to creating consequences for poor behavior are how you identify and set boundaries.

How to identify when you’re boundaries are crossed

Sometimes we’re presented with a situation that is ambiguous. We’re not sure if we’re being disrespected or not.

There are are two ways that a boundary can be crossed and here are examples of non healthy boundaries in relationships

1) Someone violates what you’ve already expressed as something you didn’t like or felt comfortable with. Example: Jens boyfriend is always late to dates, even though she’s expressly told him she hates it.

2) Someone, through manipulation, misinformation, deceit and lies, gets you to step outside of what you would normally do otherwise if you had all the information. Ex: John tells his girlfriend Megan he’s meeting a friend for drinks at a local bar to catch up. In reality, he’s meeting at a bar where he knows his ex girlfriend works and the bar is having a girls night promotion. Megan finds out when another buddy tags him in pics accidentally. Megan would have said she was uncomfortable if she knew the whole truth upfront, but now John’s backpedaling and calling her controlling and jealous.

Sometimes when boundaries are crossed it happens unexpectedly and is more like someone line stepping to test the waters of how far they can go. In these situations, YOU MUST TRUST YOUR GUT. Logic will tell you that you don’t have all the information and that you shouldn’t react without being 100% sure of the situation. If your intuition is screaming out to you, most importantly LISTEN, then work to flush out the truth.

I’ve never regretted listening to my intuition. I have, however, deeply regretted not listening. Side with your intuition, ALWAYS.

Common ways boundaries are crossed and how to combat them.

1)Rudeness and Negging

Negging is a red pill phrase coined by pick up artists to give women backhanded insults and slights disguised as banter or flirting. Enough of these and your self esteem will start to tank.

I once dated a guy that insisted to find out my “celebrity fantasy.” He swore that everyone had a celebrity fantasy of someone they wanted to date and pushed me to tell him, but I honestly didn’t have a real answer for him. He then proceeded to tell me his fantasy was Jessica Alba. I don’t look anything like Jessica Alba and it kinda left a sour taste in my mouth like Is that what I need to look like for this guy to be attracted to me? Of course it didn’t work out but I was left feeling pretty low about myself after dating that guy.

This kind of behavior is just rude. You’ll really need to learn how to set boundaries with rude men. This and other types of rude behavior should not be tolerated. Things like lateness, excessive cheapness, inconsiderate behavior, pushiness, rude unnecessary pet names, and the like should not be tolerated.

How to combat?

Here is just one of the examples of healthy boundaries in relationships. You keep it simple and say something along the lines of, “Excuse me, but that was rude. I don’t like that.”

He’ll reply. “Why?” (A lot of times they know why, they just play dumb).

Be firm. “I shouldn’t have to explain myself but here’s why [insert why his behavior is rude]

If he tries to justify his behavior and minimize your feelings, it’s time to move on and stop dating him. Because some men don’t care if they’re rude or are hurting their partners feelings. And chances are that that’s not going to change. The dating phase is the BEST behavior he has to offer, so if rudeness is happening on the regular it’s time to stop seeing him.

If he tries to see your point of view and apologizes, it’s worth continuing to date him but keep an eye out for other rude behavior and incompatibilities.

2)Unintentional boundary crossing

Sometimes the guy has no clue that he’s stepping over your boundaries and he genuinely has good intentions in mind.

Ex: Jen has been dating Dan for a few months and things have been going well. It’s her birthday and he wants to be generous and take her to a nice surprise dinner. She gets all dressed up and is horrified to find out he planned a dinner at the World Trade Observatory 100+ floors above New York City. She never told Dan that she is terrified of heights. She knows she could not enjoy this dinner, but they’re already there.

How to combat? Nobody’s really in the wrong.

She should tell him that she really appreciates the gesture but would be happy to eat anywhere else. She should outright explain her fear of heights and why she wouldn’t enjoy this dinner.

At the end of the day a boundary is a boundary and if she continued her dinner, terrified, afraid and acting all weird, it could be misunderstood as ingratitude. Or she might get away with it and he’ll keep taking her to places that have high altitudes.

A high quality man will want his partner to have a good time and go somewhere else, even if it didn’t work out the way he planned.

A low quality man will push through her boundaries and try to minimize her fears b because he wants to eat there and enjoy the fantastic dinner that he had in mind FOR HIMSELF.

If you want to learn how to set boundaries with men when the boundary crossing is unintentional, the key here to to communicate these boundaries and be understanding of the situation. But also be firm in what you need.

Inappropriate behavior within a monogamous relationship

Whether you’ve just started going steady and have been married for years, it’s important to maintain your personal boundaries and self respect.

In long term relationships there’s always room for deceit and dishonesty. The hardest part of being in a relationship and dealing with issues is that it’s difficult to tell when to work on things or just cut your losses and leave. Nobody wants to put in months or years of emotional work and have to cut off what you’ve built, but at times that can be necessary.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO IS TO REALLY KNOW AND UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER BEFORE CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED. Once children are involved, it’s much harder for your partner to feel motivated to change their behavior since children serve as a sort of anchor that keeps relationships together. Too many people stay together for the kids.

Here is a list of behavior that I would consider unacceptable. If you find yourself combatting these issues it’s best to nip them in the bud by standing your ground and raising hell over it to correct the behavior or LEAVING. Once you let this behavior slip with a pat on the wrist, it becomes more acceptable and harder to change.

-Cheating of any kind. Emotional or physical
-Sexting
-Compulsive gambling
-Alcoholism
-Drug use
-Complete laziness with housework
-Lack of job or financial contribution whatsoever
-Physical abuse- hitting, forced sex, slapping, unwanted touching, etc.
-Emotional abuse: name calling, ignoring, bullying etc.
-Porn addiction: once porn takes the place of actual sex, it’s an addiction.

This is an inexhaustive list but, for most women, these are the biggest deal breakers. To establish strong boundaries for these examples the consequences should be severe.

Ex:
Not Severe: “If you keep going like this, I’ll leave”

Severe: “I DO NOT LIKE SAID BEHAVIOR. If I ever see you do this again, I will pack my bags, move out and change my number.” This is one of the better examples of healthy boundaries in relationships.

The first response is an ultimatum and a vague one at that. The second response is firm and specific of what will happen. It’s essential to always do what you say you’ll do, that way actions with consequences hold a lot more weight.

At the end of the day, WE are responsible for what we allow into our lives.

4)How To Set Sexual Boundaries With Men

We live in a world where sex is free. No strings attached relationships and FWB make it so easy for men to have sex with with little or nothing to offer!

In my opinion sex is probably the most intimate physical act you can do with someone. (It shouldn’t be like shaking hands!). And it requires trust and vulnerability.

I’ve heard sooooo many stories from women who thought they would be having an enjoyable sexual encounter but end up being touched in places they didn’t want to be touched, pressured into acts they didn’t want to do, pressured to go without protection or realizing during sex that the condom was removed, degraded or insulted during sex, or outright assaulted while they sleep!

I’m not saying all men are like this (most are not) but if you don’t know the person, how can you be sure that this won’t be you?

Now before I proceed on how to combat this type of behavior and avoid it at any cost, I am in no way blaming women for having endured this. All men should have the common sense and human decency not to engage in this kind of behavior and are 100% at fault if they do. However, women need to be aware that the fun encounter they signed up for can EASILY turn left and they need the tools in how to handle them safely.

I advocate against drinking on dates. If you drink it should be no more than 1 drink an hour. Maintaining personal boundaries becomes much harder when intoxicated and 9 times out of 10, these one night stands are happening after a drunken rampage. If you can’t be expected to drive a car while drunk, something you do with ease on a daily basis, how can you be expected to make other responsible decisions…decisions you won’t regret.

If you do have sex and any of the following happens to you:
-being touched in places you don’t want to be touched
-pressured into acts you don’t want to do,
-pressured to go without protection or
-realizing during sex that the condom was removed,
-degraded or insulted during sex, or
-outright assaulted while you sleep

END THE ENCOUNTER AND LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.

I don’t care if he’s about to bust and seems like he’s enjoying it. I don’t care if he pouts and sulks over it. Tell him outright, you cannot continue sex because he disrespected you. Tell him to get off and put his pants on. Be angry about it so he knows it’s not sex play.

And trust me it will be the most awkward, awful sex he has ever had. But he will never forget that he crossed a boundary and that it gave him the bluest balls ever! And if you choose to see him again (I wouldn’t) the chances that he would try that maneuver again on you will be greatly diminished.

Let me tell you a quick story.

My friend was dating this guy we knew from school. She was sleeping with him and he didn’t put a condom on and busted inside her! She was stressed and worrying about getting pregnant. She was late that month but thankfully got her period. But before she knew he made her take a pregnancy test in front of her. When it turned out she wasn’t pregnant, they both sighed with relief.

Later on she sleeps with him again and he doesn’t put on a condom AGAIN! And he busts in her again! And this time she softly tells him, “Why, why would you do this again when we just got through this stressful situation?” This time she takes a Plan B.

He asked her what she would have done if she was pregnant. She told him she would terminate. He was shocked and said, “I’m spanish, we don’t do that. I should have a say too!”

Moral of the story: my friend really needs to kick this guy to the curb. He obviously didn’t learn his lesson the first time because he keeps on trying to bust in her despite how much the pregnancy scares stress her out and how much she requests he wrap it up! AND he feels so entitled to her body that he should have a say on whether she has an abortion or not!

At the end of the day, us ladies need to protect ourselves and ONLY engage in sex when our partners have proven WORTHY. That means commitment. Otherwise we’re just putting our lives, we’ll-being, health and mental health on the line for a guy who obviously isn’t worth it.

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As girls, we were taught to share and be gentle. To be kind and take care of the feelings of others. But as women, we need to learn to value our own boundaries and put ourselves first. It’s hard. Especially when we’ve been conditioned in the exact opposite way.

My heart goes out to all the women who have been disrespected, assaulted, and manipulated. I’m hoping this post reaches the next generation of girls and women who can learn how to set boundaries with men quickly from our experiences and grow from them. This post is meant to inspire and offer examples of healthy boundaries in relationships.

If there’s anything you take away from this post it should be to never be afraid to say, “NO.” That “NO” holds weight, always.

If you like “How To Set Boundaries With Men & Examples Of Healthy Boundaries In Relationships” check out:

How To Build Your Self Esteem & Self Confidence

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examples of healthy boundaries in relationships

How LinkedIn Can Help Your Job Search & Connect You With Recruiters

How LinkedIn Can Help Your Job Search Employment Recruiters
How LinkedIn Can Help Your Job Search Employment Recruiters

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Gone are the days of crawling through Craigslist to get a job. One of my first jobs was in 2013 and I found it off Craigslist. When I told my colleagues, their minds were blown that I could find such a good office position off Craigslist. (It really was an amazing opportunity). Turns out LinkedIn wasn’t the only website that can help with your job search, Craigslist was the OG. Prior to that, I reached out to employment recruiters but no luck.

LinkedIn was founded in 2002 but I don’t think it took off until 2010/2012 when the whole social media buzz of Facebook and Twitter were just taking off. I remember my best friend told me about it when I was in college and she was like, “why wouldn’t you want to sign up for LinkedIn, recruiters are on there and people can look you up in a professional setting, not on Facebook.” It made sense. So I signed up.

It didn’t really do much for me in the early years. I didn’t have much experience but decided to keep it because why not, it’s good to have your name out there in case someone is looking for someone with your talent. At the time, I thought employment recruiters would give me a chance, despite having little to no experience.

I got my first big break in 2016 from LinkedIn, I realized it really can help with your job search. I was working as broker but was also working exclusively as a leasing agent for a high end luxury building on the Upper East Side. I was lucky enough to be put on that project by asking our director for it and letting him know I had relevant experience. BUT, that opportunity was coming to an end and I really needed to figure out my next hustle because I still wasn’t making much money doing rental deals.

A recruiter found me on there and reached out. It seemed like fate, actually. Hubby had just lost his job and we were scrambling to figure things out, then out of nowhere this recruiter messages me, “Hi, are you looking for a new opportunity?” (Angel voices as the heaven opens up). Hell yeah, I’m looking for work. Work that pays better!

Well it sorted itself out. I was able to crush the interview and get the position. The reality is, if I didn’t keep up my LinkedIn profile, I would have never gotten the job I have now. And since then I’ve gotten a ton of job offers/inquiries from recruiters. It seems like the job market keeps calling to me.

Looking back, LinkedIn has grown so much over the years and now is a breeding ground for people looking to start businesses and make real connections.

So how do you leverage LinkedIn so that it can hales with your job search and that you’re getting the best opportunity for the best employment?

1. Perfect Profile Picture
Ok, so this is a bit of a double edge sword, but you won’t get anywhere on LinkedIn without a decent profile picture. So try not to be ugly! Just kidding. Honestly, you’ll do well with a professional picture, one that looks like you but also says, “I’ll be accountable and professional at all times.”

The other side of this double edge sword is that LinkedIn has a way of promoting lookism because of its importance of a good profile picture. For those not familiar, lookism is the prejudice or discrimination based on physical appearance and especially physical appearance believed to fall short of societal notions of beauty.

If you’re really good looking, finding a job will be easier because of this tactic but, if you’re not, you’re going to have to work so much harder to make it a good impression.

Either way, having a decent profile picture can really help you as opposed to not having one at all.

2. Your Resume Simplified
When I first started on LinkedIn, I made the fatal mistake of doing too much with what I was posting as my experience. I thought, “Yes, here’s my chance to be creative and come up with a cute and funny stories about work that show off my personality.”

No. Full Stop.

What you don’t want to do is to give employment recruiters any reason to not reach out to you. Too quirky or misread and misunderstood bios can do that to you. Someone might professionally stalk you and comb through your LinkedIn, while others might just gloss over it; but either way a recruiter might decide to pass just based off the tone of your profile.

In this case, less is more. Because you also want to leave some room for some mystery. Think of it as similar to a dating site, they shouldn’t be able to know everything about you from first glance. The employment recruiters should want to see your full resume and request it.

I would recommend just making it as simple as possible with the position, company and years you were there. A LinkedIn can help with your job search, but it’s not a substitute for a resume.

3. Switch On “Open To Recruiters”
At one point, I was seriously looking for work and in my headline I wrote “Open to new adventures in real estate.” That was kind of an obvious way of saying I was open to finding new work, but it was effective. I was able to get in contact with the recruiter who would eventually find me my current job.

Now that I’m still employed I can’t be quite as obvious that I’m looking for opportunities. A great tool that LinkedIn has is that you can “quietly” let recruiters know you are open for opportunities by switching on the “open to recruiters” feature. Then only people labeled as recruiters (paid for LinkedIn Premium) will be able to see your profile as “open to recruiters.” This gives the green light for them to reach out to you and send you job opportunities as they come up.

4. Pay For LinkedIn Premium While You Search For Work
I’ve paid for LinkedIn premium when I’ve been looking for a job. Mainly because I was nosey and wanted to know who was looking at my profile while I could search other people’s profile anonymously. That’s one feature that I found useful.

But you also get a little gold LinkedIn icon that shows other people that you’re a LinkedIn premium member, that’s another way you can show interested employment recruiters and job posters that you’re open to change. Maybe it was just luck, but both times I paid for LinkedIn Premium membership I was able to get recruiters to reach out to me. LinkedIn premium also allows you to message people you have yet to connect with. This could be great if you’re trying to break into an industry and just need to reach the right people or would like to thank your interviewer personally.

The good thing is that you can opt in and opt out of the payment plan so it’s not a yearlong subscription. It’s $29 a month to join. I was offered one month free, so you know I’m going to cancel before my free month is up. Right now I’m not so serious about finding new work so I don’t need it. I have found it to be a pretty useful tool for the most part.

5.Patience
And most of all, you need patience to use LinkedIn to find work. It takes a bit of savyness, some luck and a lot of grit to use LinkedIn effectively. But in my opinion, LinkedIn will definitely make your search faster and easier to connect with employers and recruiters. I wouldn’t expect the website to work miracles and find you the perfect job when you have no experience but it will definitely help you find entry level work. And as you grow in experience, LinkedIn will continue to give back to you professionally and open up more opportunities.

Best of luck on your job search!

If you liked “How LinkedIn Can Help Your Job Search & Connect You With Employment Recruiters” check out my other posts!

Is There Such Thing As A Perfect Job?

How to Job Hop Successfully

My Job is Killing Me: What To Do When Morale Is Low

What I Learned From Blogging 100 Blog Posts

I Learned From Blogging 100 blog posts & blogging mistakes
I Learned From Blogging 100 blog posts & blogging mistakes

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Learn how to increase website traffic. What I learned from blogging 100 posts

I can’t believe I’ve written 100 blog posts. It’s been an incredible blogging journey! Thank you to everyone who has followed me from day one, I couldn’t ask for a better audience. In this post, I’m going to go over how to increase website traffic, what I learned from blogging and the big blogging mistakes I fell into.

Blogging has been a wonderful outlet for me to get my thoughts out, share my knowledge and connect with other people. Surprisingly, this is my second attempt at blogging. My first attempt was in 2012 when I was doing online amazon cosmetic sales. I was buying off the shelf wholesale cosmetics and selling them on Amazon, that was when my love for Amazon really took off. I realized that even though my online Amazon business was strong it was still weak and unstable due to changes in supply and the fact we had only one staple cosmetic that sold. So I decided to start a blog to help promote the other less popular items.

I learned a lot, especially about SEO and putting a blog together. It was great. But when my business fell due to issues with getting cosmetic supplies, so did my blog. At the time, I didn’t see how blogging on its own could reap benefits.

I was SO wrong. Today, there are blogs that have started in 2012 that are KILLING it with ad revenue, affiliate sales and product sales. If I had stuck with it, I would be blogging full time by now.

But you know what they say, “The best time to plant a tree was yesterday, the second best time is today.” So in 2017, I tried again and started Adulting 101. This time I was going to cover a ton of different topics like work, lifestyle, parenting, relationships and just overall life.

This post makes my 100th entry and I can’t believe how much I’ve learned from blogging this go around. I’ve learned a lot, including how to increase website traffic. I’ve made so many blogging mistakes in the past but now, after 100 posts, I think I have all the kinks out.

Here is what I learned were my biggest blogging mistakes

1 . Not taking SEO more seriously

You can look all over the blogosphere and see a lot of talk about SEO. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. And to be honest, it’s still an area of weakness for me. The problem was that since 2017 I was half-assing it by throwing random keywords in, thinking I knew which keywords worked, without really researching it. This made it hard for people to find me on Google, Bing, and Yahoo.

What I learned from blogging was that I really needed to be thinking about what keywords fit the article, research them, and create little blurbs so when the link showed up in the search, people knew what the article was about. I also needed to optimize the website for easy usage.

Apparently SEO is a big deal with lots of other blogs devoted on how to get the most out of their traffic through search engines and organic traffic. It took 100 blog posts to figure that out.

2 . Not switching to a separate webhost sooner.

For me this was out of ignorance and laziness. Some of you might not know, but the biggest name in blogging is WordPress. I didn’t know that there was a difference between WordPress.org and WordPress.com, so I signed up with WordPress.com. I thought it would be easier to use WordPress’s blogging technology (.org) and their server (.com) together.

Nope.

I could not for the life of me get the blog off the ground. The issue was that the server (.com) was too slow. They were redirecting my traffic, making the load time take too long, and giving, just overall, a bad user experience. I thought that their IT would fix it, but instead what they did was take lesser trafficked websites like mine and throttle them so they were slower. This allowed them to make bandwidth room for the bigger and heavier trafficked websites.

Web hosting, I learned, was a fickle business like that.

Self hosting with a different company, who’s sole purpose is to offer your website speed and bandwidth, is the better option. It helps provide a speedier page load time which in turn results in a better user experience. If you check out my other pages, you’ll notice that the load time for mobile and desktop devices are almost instantaneous.

3 . Being inconsistent

Out of all my blogging mistakes, this was the biggest one from the start. I still struggle with motivation and can sometimes get writers block. My worst mistake blogging was taking 6 months off at the end of 2018. The truth is that my readers wanted to keep reading and when I wasn’t writing, it resulted in losing the very followers I worked so hard to attract and keep.

Had I kept up with my blog, even if it meant slowing down for a bit, I would have been better off in the long term.

On the other hand, I’m not a quitter. I haven’t quit. I have to give myself some credit that being inconsistent and taking breaks is way better than quitting all together.

4 . Thinking I had to do everything myself

I’m really not technical. I could write thousands of articles on my own but putting together a website, changing hosts, inserting tags/codes and optimizing speed are just out of my realm of knowledge.

I could literally spend hours watching YouTube trying to learn how to migrate my site from one host to another and end up completely failing and crashing my site.

Trust me, I’ve crashed my site trying to alter code.

What I needed to learn was that I didn’t have to do things outside of my experience. There are actually tons of people who can do the technical side for me, and for cheap. I always thought that using an IT guy would cost me hundreds of dollars, which seemed too expensive. Turns out that on Fiverr or Upworks there are tons of people in other parts of the world who are capable of doing the IT work for me, remotely, and for minimal cost! All I had to do was contract with them on those platforms and read their reviews to make sure I wasn’t getting scammed.

What I learned from 100 blog posts was that I didn’t have to be a one woman show.

5 . Not thinking about the user experience

This is mainly how I learned to increase my website traffic. In addition to being with the wrong webserver host, I had a bunch of junk on my page that slowed it down. I had a web applications that I definitely didn’t need and I had photos that were too large. (Rookies make these kinds of blogging mistakes).

What I didn’t realize was that a website can only handle so much code. Everything you add to a page like traffic analytics, social buttons for sharing, even those pretty website templates, those things will weigh down a page and make it super slow.

I also didn’t realize that, for the average person, waiting more than 2 seconds for a page to load or to move from page to page, is TOO long and creates frustration. Those people are just going to bounce off the website faster than you can blink an eye.

What I learned from blogging was that the user experience was everything and that I had to get rid of all the junk and unnecessary aspects of Adulting 101 including the ads I was running. This blogging mistake was easily overlooked. Was it really worth it to run ads when I was making $.10 a month? Nope.
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It’s still a little early for me to see a website traffic increase, I’ve definitely noticed a difference in traffic quality. Visitors are enjoying my content more and staying on the page for longer, they’re also subscribing and visiting other pages. It makes me so happy to finally see the results I wanted. All these things were things I needed to do from day 1, but better late than never. Despite all my blogging mistakes I’ve been able to keep growing and learning.

It’s been an amazing journey, writing 100 blog posts, but I really can’t wait to write 100 more blog posts or even 1000 more if I can be so lucky.

Check Out My Other Posts!
Why I Started Blogging

Why Multiple Streams Of Income Are Absolutely Necessary

How To Get Ahead At Work Without Brown Nosing

How To Care Less & Not Care About What People Think

Care Less & Not Care What Other People Think
Care Less & Not Care What Other People Think

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Want to know how to care less and not care about what other people think?

I’ve always been a people pleaser. Nothing made me happier as a person than to keep everyone around me happy and having a good time. For a while, it worked. I had lots of friends and felt popular. But after a while, keeping everyone happy became a strain. People were used to me always being there and they didn’t offer much back in return. I was just this person in their lives that always did stuff for them. I didn’t know how to break this cycle because I didn’t know how to care less or how to not care what other people think of me.

My biggest strength and weakness is my empathy. On one hand, it’s really helpful and great that I can understand how people are feeling and relate to them. On the other hand, I can literally feel myself defending other people, even when they’re in the wrong! I hate confrontation because in the back of my mind I’m a slave to, “but what are they going to think?”

It’s like, why can’t I just turn it off and stop caring? Other people do it so easily.

Well, over time I became a bit more selfish, a little more calloused and a little smarter.

The reality is that caring less can be a tool to get things done, otherwise you’re just doing things to fit other people’s agendas and needs.

How To Stop Caring:

1 . Ignore that little voice in your head that says “You’re not good enough.”

That self critic, or whatever you want to call it, that’s always trying to keep you down. It’s really hard not to listen to this voice because it’s coming from deep within you.

I don’t think I’ve ever truly gotten rid of that negative voice in my head but I’ve learned to ignore it.

I used to feel guilty if I left someone out or didn’t put someone else before myself because I felt like I was denying them something that was owed to them. Only later in life did I realize that those thoughts came from the low self-esteem I had when I was younger. There’s a part of me that still views life from that place of low self esteem. But now instead of listening to that voice, I just ignore it and remind myself that I’m a person of high self esteem, repeat my motivational mantras and look to God.

2 . Create a pro and con list- what has this person done for you recently?

I’m the type of person that literally makes stuff up in my head and, like I said, I tend to think I owe people things.

How do I get out of this mindset and learn to care less?

I like to make a pro and con list if I feel really stuck on doing something for someone else when it inconveniences me. What HAVE they done for me recently? Which I know sounds really terrible and selfish but it kind of helps balance me when I’m being such a doormat and people pleaser.

If, after some reflection, I realize I’m always at this persons beck and call and they’ve never even offered to help me out, well then, it’s time to start saying no.

3 . Put yourself first

This one kind of ties everything together. You need to put yourself first and not care what other people think. It’s more important than you know.

I just had a baby and felt enormous pressure to keep everything going as it was before. I was carrying on pregnant like I wasn’t even pregnant! Walking everywhere and taking stairs. What I really needed to do was take a break!

Let me tell you firsthand that giving more of yourself away than you have to offer doesn’t work. Eventually your relationships will fall apart as well as your mental health.

Putting yourself first means that you put your own needs above everyone else’s. That doesn’t mean you neglect your family, work and friends, but it does mean that you schedule a day for yourself to do nothing or something that you can look forward to. So definitely no errands or doctor appointments!

For me, that’s a blowout at my favorite salon, a nail appointment or a day to just write and get my thoughts out.

Taking care of yourself and getting used to doing that on a regular basis will help you be less of a doormat and actually have energy for yourself and others.

4 . Create boundaries

We all have that friend or family member that just likes to push, push, push on getting one of their agenda’s done. They’re good at corralling everyone but at what point does it get to be too much?

I’ve always been bad at creating boundaries. There’s a part of me that associates creating boundaries with being mean or withholding from other people. And looking at it like that is like looking at a glass as half empty. At the end of the day, creating boundaries is more like keeping your glass full.

Metaphors aside, I do believe that boundaries are necessary in life otherwise you lose yourself. Who cares if someone doesn’t like your boundary, who cares if someone’s feelings gets hurt because you established a limitation that makes you feel more comfortable. Over time, this was one of the main things that I had to learn in order to care less about what people think.

5 . Be stone cold, don’t let them guilt you

Some people are so good at guilting. “But..but..but..what about me and my needs.”

I always caved when someone presented me with a reason to do something because “they needed me to.” But over time I learned that these were just tools of manipulation. Learning to be stone cold wasn’t easy but I needed to care less about what people think. For me, I constantly reminded myself that whoever was guilting me was being selfish and manipulative.

Gaslighting is real people! And when you push back from people who are taking advantage of you, the first thing that person is going to do is try to manipulate you emotionally. This is why caring less comes in handy.

For those of you who are super empathetic like me, the best thing you can do is shove away those guilty, emotional thoughts about how you’re doing that person a disservice and just try to look at the situation super logically.

6 . Cut off the toxic ones

Easier said than done, especially when that person is a close friend or family member, but sometimes it needs to be done. I’ve cut off my own sister when I was 14 because I felt like she was a manipulative person trying to take advantage of me. (And she was). We lived in the same house and I was like IDGAF! I just ignored her while we shared the same dinner table and crossed paths in the hallway. (We’re cool now).

But this is absolutely necessary. Maybe not permanently but until that person learns how to respect you as a person and your boundaries.

Learning to care less about the toxic people takes time but the sooner you separate yourself from them, the easier it will be to move on and care even less about what they think.

7 . Speak up and speak your mind

Last but not least, speak up!

The worst thing you can do is not stand up for yourself when someone is trying to manipulate or bully you. I’ve always cared too much about whether I was being friendly enough or whatnot.

But the reality is that the more you speak up, the easier it gets. Even if nothing changes, you’ve at least made it known that you’re not someone who’s going to let others take advantage of you.

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And there you have it, that’s how you become a person who cares less and doesn’t care what people think of them. It’s a pretty awesome and totally freeing way to live. Best of all caring less frees you from the obligations other people impose on you, either intentionally or unintentionally.

Of course you need to use these tips ethically, there’s a difference between being a callous asshole and being someone who stands up for themselves. We don’t want to be an asshole, we want to protect ourselves emotionally and keep from over extending our time and abilities.

Check Out My Other Posts

Pretty Privilege: The Power Of Beauty

How To Be Charismatic & How To Be More Likable

The Power Of Positivity: Live The Good Life