How To Be An Adult & What They Don’t Tell You About Growing Up

How To Be An Adult And Growing Up
How To Be An Adult And Growing Up

LIKE THIS POST? SUBSCRIBE TO MY MAILING LIST FOR UPDATES!

Keep This Blog AD-FREE, Become A Patron

I turned 30 earlier this year and with each passing day am only getting closer to 31. I hate to say this but, in a way, I’ve entered middle age. MIDDLE AGE! Yes, 30s is the beginning of middle age. There was a time in my life where being 30 seemed incredibly old (when I was 16), now 16 seems incredibly young. At 16, I didn’t know how to be an adult, let alone anything about growing up.

But officially I’m supposed to be an adult. I do a lot of adult things now like take care of my children, do my own laundry, pay my bills, have a job that pays well with insurance and cook in bulk for the week. This is what I always aimed for, this sort of busy and put together life that I could call success.

Only, sometimes I don’t feel like it’s really success. I didn’t escape the rat race, actually, I fell right into it and can’t get out for the life of me. I don’t have enough time for the things that really matter to me. And on top of it all, I feel like a slave to my employer.

I feel like they missed a lot in school in terms of teaching young people how to be functioning members of society and how we’re supposed to be growing up into adults. Of course trigonometry and algebra could not be missed but teaching you about differences in healthcare plans and how to open a bank account? Totally unimportant. (Sarcasm).

I look at my 6 year old daughter and think, I’ve got to do better, honestly. I hope she’s not as unprepared for adulthood as I was because the learning curve is steep. And at 30, I still don’t feel like I’ve truly caught up.

So here’s what they don’t tell you about being an adult and growing up:

1) There’s no true freedom

Freedom they said. Growing up and being an adult is about having complete freedom. No more parents giving you curfews or giving you a pitiful allowance. As an adult you get to call the shots and make decisions about your life. When I was an adolescent I really thought that this was how life worked. If only I was an adult, things would be so much better.

Actually, it doesn’t work like that. Because of a thing called “Money.” Living with your parents and being “controlled” by them is actually more of a safety net. Children don’t have to worry themselves with the day to day cost of living. Things like food, clothes, shelter and transportation are 100% covered, in most cases, by parents. So even though as a teenager you’re limited in what you can do, major responsibilities have yet to fall on your plate.

Adults on the other hand have major constraints on their freedom in terms of having to make an income that subsidizes their daily lives. They have to go to sleep early to wake up at 6am to get to their job. It’s a money imposed curfew. They can’t buy ridiculous $1500 Gucci shoes because they realize that their going to have to work X hours/days to pay it off.

As an adult I wish I knew that my adolescent years would be the most relaxing and fun times of my life. Even though I had some restrictions, I had youth, time and energy on my side.

2) People only care about themselves

I was raised learning that it was important to care about each other, to share and, in general, to have good virtues. It was such a huge life lesson to see how time and time again people only acted in their own best interest. In some instances it came across as terribly selfish, in others, as an act of self preservation.

It was definitely a hard lesson for me because, in most cases, people were super nice to my face. But when push came to shove, whenever either a coworker or friend saw an opportunity that benefited themselves over me, they took it. If it was only an acquaintance, it was SURE to happen.

Meanwhile, I was raised to put others before myself, be selfless, be giving, and think about others’ needs. It took me a long time to learn that these values are important but I needed to use them sparingly, with people who deserved it from me. Everyone else needs to earn it.

3) Bills, Bills, Bills

I kind of already touched on the reality that adulthood is centered around paying your bills. But honestly growing up I never realized how expensive life in general is. You really need to make $100K a year minimum where I live just to make ends meet. When I was 16 I would have been happy to earn $20k a year, but things are different when you have to pay your own housing, food, transit, clothes and everything else bills.

I used to be like, “Why can’t my parent’s buy me these dumb candies I want or shoes or whatever?”

Adult me wants to smack little me and say, “Bitch! Our parents didn’t have money for that just like I don’t have money for that shit with my kids!”

When you’re unexposed to the realities of the world you kind of really have a sense of naïveté about things and how stuff works.

Now at 30, bills take pretty much all your money. And when I was 16, $200 felt like a windfall, now $200 feels like $5 out of my pocket because life is just too expensive.

I used to think that money was easier to attain or that my parents were just too stingy, but they were actually very smart with money and a lot of my good spending habits are learned from them!

4) Relationships are really hard

Finding the right relationship that could last a lifetime is probably the HARDEST thing to manage as an adult. I started dating “late” compared to other people. I had my first boyfriend at 18. As an adult, building long term relationships are super difficult. When I was younger, I didn’t understand why people broke up suddenly or why LOVE couldn’t win. Couples who were voted the cutest in class would break up out of nowhere. Of course in high school and college, this would be the talk of the school and everyone would gossip and speculate about what happened. “He cheated on her.” “She didn’t like that he was liking other girls’ pictures.” It was kind of like some sort of teen soap opera.

Now I’ve realized that you can just break up with someone because they don’t like the same food as you or aren’t as clean as you. Cheating is just one of the many reasons why relationships don’t work out. There could be a cultural divide. He could be misogynistic or she can be a misandrist. It could be one fight that you never bounce back from. Literally so many reasons why relationships aren’t meant to last.

When I was young I just couldn’t understand this. I sort of had this preconceived notion that there were “soulmates” or one person in this world that could “complete me.” At the end of the day, relationships aren’t meant to complete you, most importantly they should add value to your life and compliment who you are as a person. Toxic relationships do just the opposite. But toxic relationships aside, just finding a healthy relationship and getting through the tough spots is hard as hell! I guess that’s just part of growing up, realizing your ideals are just that-ideals.

So now when I hear that some cute and favorite couple I know of broke up, I just shake my head and think to myself, “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.” Because adult relationships are never easy.

5) You’re never going to feel like you have it all together

It’s never going to happen. I always thought that it would but I never woke up and felt like adulthood hit me. Yes, I’m more responsible now because I have to support a family. Yes, I pay my bills because otherwise I would be out on the street. Yes, I make conservative choices and stick to a routine. But am I this way because I choose to be or because life has forced it on me?

Sometimes I get people in their early 20s who look up to me. I can tell they look at me and see me as someone who has it put together. And I look back at them like, “not really…” Just because someone has a kid, a husband and a job does not mean they are put together. I still have so much on my bucket list.

Like not working a job that makes me hate myself, having a surplus of money to buy a house, having a semblance of a work/life balance, buying new furniture, getting a second car, not relying on my parents still for some financial support and other things like that.

I am NOT put together. Every day I feel like I’m one catastrophic event away from falling apart instead of growing up.

—————————————-

So yeah, if I had my pick I would just live my childhood/adolesence years over and over again because this sh*t is HARD. I wish I would have known that all I have to look forward to growing up is paying bills, not having enough vacation time, the ability to drink alcohol and working long hours.

If you were born after 2001, all I have to say to you is enjoy your young, beautiful, youthful and carefree life now. Adulthood is just around the corner waiting for you and it’s not necessarily all it’s cracked up to be.

Check out my other posts if you like “How To Be An Adult & What They Don’t Tell You About Growing Up!”
Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 18

My Best Friend Ghosted Me & Lost Friendships

How To Stop Being Petty & Learn To Be Happier

How To Resell Clothes: Ebay, Poshmark and Mercari

How To Resell Clothes and Get Rid Of Clothes
How To Resell Clothes and Get Rid Of Clothes

LIKE THIS POST? SUBSCRIBE TO MY MAILING LIST FOR UPDATES!

Keep This Blog AD-FREE, Become A Patron

I’ve been going through a phase of cleaning out my closet to get rid of extra clothes. OBSESSIVELY. I literally wear maybe 10% of my clothes. And I think most of us are like that. We buy something maybe we wear it once, or there’s some feature that we just didn’t like about it and then we never wear it again. We hope we might but we never wear it again. I have so many things that I do this with it’s not even funny. Clothes, shoes, jewelry, random knickknacks, you name it. I’m also the type of personality that enjoys going to fleamarkets. I enjoyed sifting through racks for hours and then trying to get the best price. So of course I really enjoy the whole reselling used clothes/items thing that’s going on right now and wanted to learn how to resell clothes on eBay, Poshmark and Mercari.

And it seems like there’s more people buying used clothes. The public is more aware of how devastating the fast fashion industry has been on our environment as well as the wastefulness of constantly buying clothes. So in a way, buying used clothes, as long as they’re in good condition, is fine.

So here is my review on the three platforms (ebay, Mercari, Poshmark) and how to resell clothes on them. So far I’ve sold 3 items in 2 weeks!

eBay

eBay, oh eBay how I love you. Literally the OG of all reselling companies. I started dabbling with online selling in 2016, just selling a few things that were in my closet. Now here I am again, trying to learn how to resell the clothes out of my closet and maybe more if it works out.

The positive of selling on eBay is that it is a MASSIVE platform to sell to people. Since it’s older than both Mercari and Poshmark, it has more pull in terms of being the most familiar. The only issue I have with it is the auction feature. Of course eBay sold itself as being an online auction house first for basic things like electronics, games, clothes etc. And people are very used to getting REALLY good deals from this. In other words, the users are really cheap. Which is fine if you have the right product and can price it low enough.

For me, I’m selling clothes and some jewelry that I’ve already worn so I don’t need such a high markup. I’m pricing most of my clothes at $10-$40 depending on how worn they are or if it’s new with tags.

I didn’t use Ebay’s auction feature but did use it’s “buy now” feature. Here I can set the price, determine shipping costs and describe the item. They have this new option to “promote” where for an additional 10% fee you can get the listing promoted. They also take 10% fee when it sells. After 50 zero insertion fee listings, the insertion fee is $.35.
For the most part, this seems reasonable. I don’t opt to promote it because traffic on eBay is wonky. Sometimes an item will be priced well and sit, or sometimes priced high and move. If someone wants your product, they’ll buy it or at least send you an offer.

The one item I sold on eBay, someone submitted an offer. And since I wasn’t losing money, I took it. I just wanted to get rid of the clothes.

Shipping is probably their best feature. After you’re done selling, you just ship it off using their prepaid shipping label. Their vendor is USPS, it comes with tracking and I find their rates VERY competitive. So for the most part you don’t have to worry about shipping. I don’t include shipping in my listings but I never charge higher than $4.99. Pretty much the best place to start if you want to learn how to resell clothes.

Mercari

This is a very similar website to eBay. I mean, other than not having an auction feature, they’re almost identical. It’s basically the “Buy Now” feature only.

I did find that the traffic there is a little bit better for clothes whereas, EBay it was limited. Views kind of trickle in on eBay.

One main difference is in promoting your listing- just lower the price. The new listings show up on the top of the search but discounted ones get kind of a refresh button and show up on the top too with a down arrow indicating prices are dropped. This type of promoting definitely encourages people to kind of wait and see if prices lower. HOWEVER, there is a “like” feature similar to eBay’s “watching” feature that allows buyers to know if there are other interested buyers. This can create a sense of urgency that could help move a listing along and get rid of clothes that you’re selling.

I sold one item on Mercari and would rate the the shipping as fair, not too expensive but not as good as eBay. For some reason, I feel compelled to offer free shipping on products. That probably plays into why I get a little more views on Mercari than I do on eBay. Sales-wise they’re pretty equal. Fee-wise similar to eBay with 10% commission and no listing fees.

Payment processing is a bit different. eBay indicates the payment has been made immediately, and if there are any issues buyers can dispute after. Mercari only shows payment once the buyer has received the item. And then they have 3 days after delivery to confirm the product is as described and it was delivered. If they don’t, the funds get automatically deposited to the seller’s account.

Honestly not sure how I feel about this. Because I’m only selling small items and clothes, this doesn’t feel too risky. If I was selling electronics, I think it would cause issues to delay payment like that.

Overall a good platform that compliments eBay.

Poshmark

I have yet to get a sale here, but I’m giving it an honest chance because I really want to know how to resell clothes on this website.

Overall, it’s definitely a more social platform. Poshers (aka sellers) have to share each other’s listings as part of the platform’s structure. There’s also a follower and following section of your profile that is above your listings. I’ve been on Poshmark for less than 2 weeks and I have over 4K followers. It’s customary to follow back here. There are tons of sellers that have over 100K followers and following.

Because of this social aspect, it’s more time consuming.

But there’s definitely a hustle to this platform.
Like both eBay and Mercari, you can cover shipping, offer discounts, etc., but on Poshmark you can suggest an item if someone has something of yours in their bundle (shopping cart). This is how you can sweeten the deal. You can offer an addition item be taken with a 5% discount and also offer to cover part or all of the shipping. It’s a sweet deal for them and sweet for you.

However, Poshmark has to be the more expensive platform of the 3 with a 20% commission fee and a buyer shipping cost of $6.79. That $6.79 shipping cost the buyer has to pay will in turn make them more price conscious and the 20% cut that the seller has to pay makes the products more expensive.

I do believe that the clientele on Poshmark is willing to spend and, in a way, they’re more stylish. Unlike eBay and Mercari where you can sell anything, Poshmark is only clothes, shoes, accessories, makeup, and perfumes. It’s rare to see anything outside of that there. Since the clientele is more stylish, they’re going to appreciate good marketing and will likely pay more for it. At least you can get rid of clothes and make a pretty penny from it.

I don’t know much about their shipping because I haven’t sold anything yet.

I will definitely keep Poshmark in my pocket as a contending selling platform.

—————————————

Overall I think you can make a killing reselling and get rid of clothes in the process. The most important thing is to work all 3 of these platforms. The likelihood that an item will sell on 2 or all platforms at the same time is rare (as long as you price correctly), in which case you can cancel a sale on one of them, but using all 3 makes it easier to get your items to a buyer who will love it.

Hope you enjoyed this guide on how to get rid of clothes by reselling. Happy selling!

If you like “How To Resell Clothes: Ebay, Poshmark and Mercari” check out my other posts!

The Inside Scoop on Swagbucks. Is It Legit?

The Rent vs Buy Argument

How To Save Tons Of Money On Groceries 6 Easy Tips!

How LinkedIn Can Help Your Job Search & Connect You With Recruiters

How LinkedIn Can Help Your Job Search Employment Recruiters
How LinkedIn Can Help Your Job Search Employment Recruiters

LIKE THIS POST? SUBSCRIBE TO MY MAILING LIST FOR UPDATES!

Keep This Blog AD-FREE, Become A Patron

Gone are the days of crawling through Craigslist to get a job. One of my first jobs was in 2013 and I found it off Craigslist. When I told my colleagues, their minds were blown that I could find such a good office position off Craigslist. (It really was an amazing opportunity). Turns out LinkedIn wasn’t the only website that can help with your job search, Craigslist was the OG. Prior to that, I reached out to employment recruiters but no luck.

LinkedIn was founded in 2002 but I don’t think it took off until 2010/2012 when the whole social media buzz of Facebook and Twitter were just taking off. I remember my best friend told me about it when I was in college and she was like, “why wouldn’t you want to sign up for LinkedIn, recruiters are on there and people can look you up in a professional setting, not on Facebook.” It made sense. So I signed up.

It didn’t really do much for me in the early years. I didn’t have much experience but decided to keep it because why not, it’s good to have your name out there in case someone is looking for someone with your talent. At the time, I thought employment recruiters would give me a chance, despite having little to no experience.

I got my first big break in 2016 from LinkedIn, I realized it really can help with your job search. I was working as broker but was also working exclusively as a leasing agent for a high end luxury building on the Upper East Side. I was lucky enough to be put on that project by asking our director for it and letting him know I had relevant experience. BUT, that opportunity was coming to an end and I really needed to figure out my next hustle because I still wasn’t making much money doing rental deals.

A recruiter found me on there and reached out. It seemed like fate, actually. Hubby had just lost his job and we were scrambling to figure things out, then out of nowhere this recruiter messages me, “Hi, are you looking for a new opportunity?” (Angel voices as the heaven opens up). Hell yeah, I’m looking for work. Work that pays better!

Well it sorted itself out. I was able to crush the interview and get the position. The reality is, if I didn’t keep up my LinkedIn profile, I would have never gotten the job I have now. And since then I’ve gotten a ton of job offers/inquiries from recruiters. It seems like the job market keeps calling to me.

Looking back, LinkedIn has grown so much over the years and now is a breeding ground for people looking to start businesses and make real connections.

So how do you leverage LinkedIn so that it can hales with your job search and that you’re getting the best opportunity for the best employment?

1. Perfect Profile Picture
Ok, so this is a bit of a double edge sword, but you won’t get anywhere on LinkedIn without a decent profile picture. So try not to be ugly! Just kidding. Honestly, you’ll do well with a professional picture, one that looks like you but also says, “I’ll be accountable and professional at all times.”

The other side of this double edge sword is that LinkedIn has a way of promoting lookism because of its importance of a good profile picture. For those not familiar, lookism is the prejudice or discrimination based on physical appearance and especially physical appearance believed to fall short of societal notions of beauty.

If you’re really good looking, finding a job will be easier because of this tactic but, if you’re not, you’re going to have to work so much harder to make it a good impression.

Either way, having a decent profile picture can really help you as opposed to not having one at all.

2. Your Resume Simplified
When I first started on LinkedIn, I made the fatal mistake of doing too much with what I was posting as my experience. I thought, “Yes, here’s my chance to be creative and come up with a cute and funny stories about work that show off my personality.”

No. Full Stop.

What you don’t want to do is to give employment recruiters any reason to not reach out to you. Too quirky or misread and misunderstood bios can do that to you. Someone might professionally stalk you and comb through your LinkedIn, while others might just gloss over it; but either way a recruiter might decide to pass just based off the tone of your profile.

In this case, less is more. Because you also want to leave some room for some mystery. Think of it as similar to a dating site, they shouldn’t be able to know everything about you from first glance. The employment recruiters should want to see your full resume and request it.

I would recommend just making it as simple as possible with the position, company and years you were there. A LinkedIn can help with your job search, but it’s not a substitute for a resume.

3. Switch On “Open To Recruiters”
At one point, I was seriously looking for work and in my headline I wrote “Open to new adventures in real estate.” That was kind of an obvious way of saying I was open to finding new work, but it was effective. I was able to get in contact with the recruiter who would eventually find me my current job.

Now that I’m still employed I can’t be quite as obvious that I’m looking for opportunities. A great tool that LinkedIn has is that you can “quietly” let recruiters know you are open for opportunities by switching on the “open to recruiters” feature. Then only people labeled as recruiters (paid for LinkedIn Premium) will be able to see your profile as “open to recruiters.” This gives the green light for them to reach out to you and send you job opportunities as they come up.

4. Pay For LinkedIn Premium While You Search For Work
I’ve paid for LinkedIn premium when I’ve been looking for a job. Mainly because I was nosey and wanted to know who was looking at my profile while I could search other people’s profile anonymously. That’s one feature that I found useful.

But you also get a little gold LinkedIn icon that shows other people that you’re a LinkedIn premium member, that’s another way you can show interested employment recruiters and job posters that you’re open to change. Maybe it was just luck, but both times I paid for LinkedIn Premium membership I was able to get recruiters to reach out to me. LinkedIn premium also allows you to message people you have yet to connect with. This could be great if you’re trying to break into an industry and just need to reach the right people or would like to thank your interviewer personally.

The good thing is that you can opt in and opt out of the payment plan so it’s not a yearlong subscription. It’s $29 a month to join. I was offered one month free, so you know I’m going to cancel before my free month is up. Right now I’m not so serious about finding new work so I don’t need it. I have found it to be a pretty useful tool for the most part.

5.Patience
And most of all, you need patience to use LinkedIn to find work. It takes a bit of savyness, some luck and a lot of grit to use LinkedIn effectively. But in my opinion, LinkedIn will definitely make your search faster and easier to connect with employers and recruiters. I wouldn’t expect the website to work miracles and find you the perfect job when you have no experience but it will definitely help you find entry level work. And as you grow in experience, LinkedIn will continue to give back to you professionally and open up more opportunities.

Best of luck on your job search!

If you liked “How LinkedIn Can Help Your Job Search & Connect You With Employment Recruiters” check out my other posts!

Is There Such Thing As A Perfect Job?

How to Job Hop Successfully

My Job is Killing Me: What To Do When Morale Is Low

How To Build Your Self Esteem & Self Confidence

build self confidence and self esteem
build self confidence and self esteem

LIKE THIS POST? SUBSCRIBE TO MY MAILING LIST FOR UPDATES!

Keep This Blog AD-FREE, Become A Patron

Self esteem. Most people don’t know how to build their self esteem and self confidence. And it’s tough, self esteem is kind of an abstract concept. Most people feel like they know what it is but they really don’t. It’s one of those ideals people constantly chase like- purpose, meaning, life, and goodness. Self esteem is probably the most valuable thing you can have and yet so many people don’t posses it.

So what is self esteem? And how do you build your self esteem?

Self esteem, by my definition, is a sense of confidence and belief in oneself that you are a person of value; a person worthy of respect and dignity. That you are a capable and independent person no matter what.

Let’s break down the concept further. What is esteem? What does it mean to hold someone in high esteem? Well, you’ll probably really respect that person, you won’t doubt them in moments when they give you advice and you might even want to be a bit like them. Self esteem is exactly that, but towards yourself.

A lot of people throw around that phrase but don’t really have it in themselves. Often times it’s confused with ego. But self esteem is different than ego. Ego is a version of ourselves that we imagine. Our sense of self. You can have an ego and no self esteem. You can also have self esteem and no ego. You can have both. But they are separate. Like I said, ego is the version of ourselves we imagine and self esteem is the complete respect and belief in oneself.

So what do you need to do in order to build a high self esteem? It’s not as easy as you think:

1) Avoid toxic people
This seems like a given but somehow toxic people tend to slither into our lives. They love to leech off the good energy of people with high self esteem and confidence. Usually in the form of a romantic interest. When you have high self esteem you tend to repel toxic partners (because you know better than to engage them) but when it’s low, the toxics will come in droves. It makes sense to avoid someone who devalues you, doesn’t respect you, pokes at your insecurities and overall is incompatible. Yet so many men and women end up with partners that thrive on keeping their lovers down and out.

By ending relationships that hurt how you see yourself, you are taking the next step to confidence and happiness. Because it’s impossible to be happy when someone you love is hurting you. It just doesn’t work if you want to build your self confidence.

2) Avoid situations that are emotionally harmful

This sort of ties in to topic # 1, if you’re avoiding toxic people you’re essentially avoiding situations that are harmful. But that’s not enough, there are tons of different situations you’ll need to avoid in order to maintain your sense of who you are and your value.

Somehow we’re also drawn to situations that seem either too good to be true or just give us too much hope. Disappointment is a huge reason why people lose their self-esteem. It could be something as easy as wanting a guy/girl to like you and finding out he wants your friend or standing next to your supermodel sister and feeling like the most monstrous person in the world when you’re actually really cute or dating a known player but still hoping you can change him. Or studying with the smartest kid in class, only to be left feeling dumb because you take too long to do the work. These sort of small not so serious situations will peck at your self-esteem and keep you from feeling as confident as you should be.

There’s also the issue with drama. I wish people were logical but we aren’t. We’re drawn to drama because it gives us a thrill or some sort of validation. It’s so important to avoid all drama and disappointment as much as possible and not put yourself in these emotionally charged situations because at the end of it all, the conflict will cause negativity towards yourself.

Think about the last big argument you got into…it wasn’t long until you started doubting yourself and wondering why you’re going through such a hard time. You started to question who you are and your value. The truth is, you can’t always avoid drama but, at the very least, you don’t have to seek it out.

3) Remember your strength

Sometimes when I’m feeling like life is impossible and too hard, I look back at what I’ve accomplished. I think of all the really hard shit I’ve gone through like my battle with achalasia or my unplanned pregnancy or the mold that infested our house. You see, I went through all that and it was stressful but I got through it.

Chances are there are challenges you’ve had to go through too. Remembering those obstacles in your life and drawing on that strength you had to get through them is a huge tool.

Looking at your past moments of perseverance and applying that to your future is one way to build your self esteem. Why shouldn’t you believe in yourself now when you’ve proven yourself capable time and time again? This is an easy way to build your confidence. It’s not really a fake it until you make it sort of self-esteem but more about giving yourself the credit you deserve.

4) Be your own cheerleader
It’s not always going to work out that someone will be rooting you on. In reality, there might be people in your life who are actively trying to tear you down.

Life is rarely perfect in that way and in these times you’ll need to know how to be your own cheerleader and believe in yourself when no one else does.

There was a girl in my high school that was always so negative. She had no knowledge on how to build self confidence. Every conversation I had with her was dreary and self-deprecating. She always complained about how nobody liked her, she was ugly, the teacher didn’t help her, her parents suck, etc. I tried to cheer her up and get her to think about the positives in her life but it never worked. After a while it was too draining and I had to distance myself. It just seemed like she enjoyed her own misery.

The point is to not expect others to lift you up but to do it on your own, even if you have to fake your own happiness for a little while. Self esteem isn’t something that can be built overnight but is something that’s built over time as you start to see yourself as worthy.

That friend, she had terrible self esteem and even though I was a friend who always was positive, it never helped. She needed to see all the positives in herself, for herself.

5) Accept who you are
Don’t be an apple wishing it was a pear, and don’t be a pear wishing it was an apple.

We all have things we wish we could change about ourselves but some of those things are unchangeable.

When I was younger, I used to wish I had lighter skin. Can you really change the color of your skin? Not unless you’re Michael Jackson.

My skin is the color of light milk chocolate and it’s a very nice complexion, but I lived in a neighborhood that was white and Italian so I wanted a fair complexion instead. Over time I learned to really love my skin, it hardly wrinkles and never gets sunburn. Imagine if I dwelled over my darker skin color, how unhappy I would have been?

For things you can’t change, you need to learn to live with it and love it. Your quirks, your imperfections, all of it. Accepting these things about yourself and even loving them will give you the mental room to feel positive about who you are and what you’re all about.

———————————————————-

I think the main point here is that most people aren’t born with a ton of self esteem. I would describe it more like a muscle you need to flex to strengthen.

What benefits are there to build self confidence? Tons, actually! You can finally do all those things you wanted to do in your life but were uncertain you could accomplish. You can ask that cute guy/girl out and not feel like their approval means everything and you can start living on your own terms and no longer feel chained to your insecurities. A person with high self esteem has the ultimate freedom.

So take it one step at a time, little by little your self esteem with find you.

If you like “How To Build Your Self Esteem & Self Confidence” Check Out My Other Posts!

Motivational Book Club: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
How To Be Charismatic & How To Be More Likable
How To Be Successful & Be Happy

Is There Such Thing As A Perfect Job?

work culture & perfect job
work culture & perfect job

LIKE THIS POST? SUBSCRIBE TO MY MAILING LIST FOR UPDATES!

Keep This Blog AD-FREE, Become A Patron

It’s pretty much the biggest question I’ve asked my self: is there such thing as a perfect job? But I guess the answer is similar to “Is there such a thing as a perfect partner?” For me, a perfect job would be 3 blocks from my house, not stressful, a great work culture, have a great or easy schedule, pay me a sh*t-ton of money or at least a livable amount and have cool colleagues who are also my best friend.

Is that really achievable?

Possibly… maybe for the top 1% of people. It also depends on how much schooling you put in. I always thought that a $100k college price-tag only made sense for people who were going to make $250K and up, like doctors and elite lawyers. My sister is an MD and only works 32 hours a week and pretty much has it easy in that regard. I would hope that if you spent a hefty amount on college, you could at least get it back in a cushy job.

I spent much of my early 20s searching aimlessly for it. My first job after college was as a purchaser for this really sketchy beauty/perfume/wholesale goods distributor. I made $2000 a month, not much to work with but I got by. What I really wanted was experience and a way to figure out my true interest. As you might have guessed, it was NOT my perfect job.

It was a COMPLETE shit show of a job. Basically, just a rich middle eastern guy opening up his shop in NYC with no idea on how to run a business in America. There was no training, compensation was shit, and the job just didn’t make sense. AT ALL. At 22 years old I was supposed to call big brand companies and convince them to sell their products to us as a brick and mortar store (which we were not) then we would resell the products wholesale to other countries. At the times, I wasn’t sure if I was doing something illegal, after all we were lying to these companies saying we were selling in the US when we weren’t.

But I did learn a lot of lessons about work culture and what to expect in a job:

Some jobs are bullshit. Like, where no one knows what they’re doing or how they’ll accomplish company goals and employees are just scrapping along. This was that bullshit job.
Not all companies are well managed or care for their employees. I had absolutely no benefits or much time off. There was no goals or standards set. It was just,”do this,” “do that,” “get this done.”
Bad jobs are just so much better when you’re working with a friend. After a while the work culture just got too stressful and I brought in my friend to work with me. It was fun, even if the job wasn’t perfect.

I ended up getting my real estate license shortly after. I realized that the employment aspect of having to work for someone else, for example being told what to do and not having control over the ideas or the direction of the company, really got under my skin.

I ended up working as a junior real estate agent after that.

But this job ended up having another set of problems. I was essentially an entrepreneur as a real estate salesperson but I had no idea how to get clients or close them or even how to manage my day since it was unstructured. Because I was unexperienced, I had to take an apprenticeship as a junior agent under a more experienced agent. This was a great stepping stone but I basically worked for free for a few months. The commission structure was predatory and I was making a slice out of a slice of someone’s pie.

Here I learned:

-When it comes to money, people are sharks, they are relentless, they will throw you under the bus, and do whatever it takes to save a few dollars. It amazed me that these clients who made a six figure income and more could be so stingy with their time and money. I could literally lose a deal (my little commission) over a $100 misunderstanding.
-That finding a mentor is hard. As a junior agent, my mentor was only concerned about making money for himself, not necessarily about helping me grow professionally.
-That being self employed makes you a slave to the clients who can demand you provide your services to them at odd hours, reduce your rate and determine your schedule. I was showing apartments in the evening after their work hours and on weekends. I had to move my schedule around constantly. Clients would try to pit agents against each other over fee costs. Long-term it kind of sucked.

After that I became pregnant and needed to take some time off. That’s a whole different story, but after giving birth I had to quickly get back to work in order to avoid financial ruin.

This next job was a godsend. It was near perfect. It paid well (more than it should). It was a luxury experience, the office was beautiful and had water, candies, snacks and coffee for us. My colleagues were great and promoted a positive work culture. I was just the receptionist but the job was easy, pleasant and without major responsibilities. My favorite job ever! And my colleagues were awesome, we really were able to work well together and build a long term friendship. Life was good. But this was a contract position so it was a project that had an end date.

Here I learned:

That good jobs where you are happy and not being preyed on exist.
That the job landscape can change. When the contract ended, I was out of a job and had to figure out “what’s next.” And to be honest, I never found such a high paying job with low stress again after that. It was a unicorn.

After, I decided to be a real estate agent again. But on my own, without a mentor and without being someone’s junior agent. I ended up joining a brokerage I liked and starting my business. I was successful at the end of 2 years with referral business and finally knowing how to be my own boss.

But then my husband lost his job and another more stable employment opportunity came up.

But in those 2 years working for myself and building a business, I learned:

-Working for yourself is awesome if you’re successful but it still has its financial challenges. Money would be tight one month and flow the next. It was so inconsistent and hard to budget. There were no benefits like PTO or even insurance. I was 100% on my own for those things. Clients were still shitty at times and there was no recourse for when I was treated badly.
-Your job doesn’t always flow with your life. In the end, I had to walk away from opportunities because after my husband lost his job I needed to take something more stable with benefits. Because of life changes I had to cut my potential. Who knows, I might have been the next millionaire broker, but I never got the chance.

Finally, I settled to where I am now, a corporate company. 10 years in the professional workforce, I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that the perfect job doesn’t exist, not for me and probably not for anyone. Right now, I’ve been going through some problems of not liking my coworkers, toxic corporate culture, dealing with an unfair sales environment (most of them are), and a terrible long commute.

And yet, 10 years ago this would have been my dream job. I’m paid a livable wage, an array of benefits at low cost, a job that’s somewhat “luxury” with the kind of clientele I service and steady hours. And yet I’m still not 100% happy.

Now I’ve learned to work with what you’ve got but, at the same time, aspire for something more. The truth is if I settled on my job and that bad work culture, I would have been stuck at that sketchy office as a purchaser.

So I take it for what it is. I’m finally somewhere I can stay for a while, and though it’s not the perfect job, it’s the perfect job for right now.

Check out my other posts!

How to Job Hop Successfully

Why Corporate America Is A Necessary Evil

How To Interview Well: Tips & Tricks For The Perfect Interview