Find Out What Makes A Happy Marriage…It’s Not Fun Dates
I’ve been married to my husband almost 7 years. We dated for additional 5 years before that. It’s hard to say what makes a good marriage a happy marriage since each relationship is different. Marriage is more than a string of fun dates or something that happens at the end of the perceived dating stages or when a relationship progresses to what you feel is the perfect spot. Marriage is it’s own journey.
The truth is that our marriage has had its ups and downs, it’s challenges. Some challenges were more demanding than others. Like the time he had a gambling addiction that needed to be worked out or our unplanned pregnancy that required trust in order to get through.
So what makes a marriage long lasting?
Here Are Some Qualities You Need For A Happy Marriage:
Could you do a trust fall with your partner? You know, the one where you put your hands out and just free fall back into the arms of your partner, sure that they can catch you?
That’s the kind of trust you need in a marriage. The bad times are bad. They feel like they’ll last forever and I can see how it’s easy for some people to break and want out. But these tests will only strengthen your marriage so it can enjoy and handle more down the line.
If you asked a lot of couples whether they could trust their partners to have complete control over their finances or even their health and well-being, a lot of them would say no. But trust is the cornerstone of a good marriage, you can’t have one without it.
I remember when my husband and I used to date as boyfriend/girlfriend. I wanted the whole boyfriend experience with a guy who would wine and dine me. I wanted to keep up with the Joneses and have the perfect boyfriend so I can show off to my friends. And for a while I did. Yeah, we had fun dates and felt our relationship progressing past the early dating stages but that was it. We were only a couple. There were still things we were scared to talk about or share with each other. Once you’re married, nothing is really private. Everything is shared from money, feelings, space and love. And once you have children, the dates you once had as a young couple become more difficult to keep up with.
The key to what makes a good marriage is to take what you have in your relationship and see it as good and worthwhile. Even when we had nothing, things were good. Because I chose to see it that way. I always knew those hard times wouldn’t last and they didn’t. Keeping a positive perspective on your relationship is so important because that’s what’s going to keep the marriage going through the inevitable tough times.
A marriage without forgiveness isn’t a marriage. It’s a one-sided ego trip.
The reality is that someone is eventually going to slip up in the relationship, whether it’s money, infidelity, neglect, substance abuse or any other bad behavior. But if your husband or wife is truly remorseful and sorry for their behavior, could you forgive?
Some people can’t and that’s why we see so much divorce. It’s better to be alone and have your “dignity” aka ego, than to forgive the past and work on the future. In my opinion, good marriages required forgiveness and compassion in situations that would have been hard otherwise.
They say you can never really know someone but I believe that the person you marry is the person who knows you best. Better than your own parents. Couples that are happily married accept each other. They accept each other’s flaws and weaknesses, their strengths and sorrows. Everything.
And that’s one of the most important things to have in a relationship because without true acceptance there will always be communication issues.
Couples who have communication issues always have different expectations for each other. There’s always a “he said, she said” element to their disagreements. They just can’t get on the same page.
One of the key things you need to do in order to truly understand your partner is to look at them for who they are, not who you wish they can be.
Going back to what I said earlier about wanting the “perfect boyfriend” to wine and dine me, once I dropped that expectation I was able to love my husband for who he was.
I’ve seen couples have different goals in their lives, that’s the biggest marriage killer- not being on the same page.
No matter what life brings you, happily married couples are able to work together to accomplish shared goals and set new goals along the way. Couples who aren’t able to do this will just break up as soon as the first hurdle comes because they don’t know how to work together.
A good example is the discussion of children. If one person doesn’t want a child and the other does, that relationship is pretty doomed from the start for failure. That’s a HUGE dealbreaker. The goals are misaligned and can’t be reconciled.
So being on the same page and sharing common goals is super important for a happy marriage.
Me and my husband went on so many fun dates and our relationship progressed as we went through the typical dating stages. It eventually grew to love.
But sometimes, somewhere along the way love starts to fade…with one or both partners starting to take the other for granted. It’s important to continue to have those fun dates and special moments to keep the love alive. I know it’s harder said than done especially after kids enter the picture but it’s SO important. For me and my husband, his joking and my laughter are what keeps us happy in love.
However, people fall out of love as easily as they fall into love but what I’ve learned is that love is a CHOICE. And one we can only make for ourselves.
I’ll tell you, married life isn’t always easy. Marriage doesn’t begin until after the wedding and all these qualities are important to master. A good marriage and a happy marriage isn’t always promised.
But these qualities stand up to the test of time. I think the most important thing to understand is that a happy marriage is a choice, something we have to live with every day.
So no, marriage goes beyond a fun date, a progressing relationship or the dating stages.
A good marriage is for life.
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