I was never one to want to be a mother.
I remember being a child and having no interest whatsoever in baby dolls. As a teen, my friends talked about that one day they would have children but I stood silently in the corner not really thinking about it. It wasn’t a priority for me.
I had other things I wanted to do first like go to parties, travel, be a successful business woman and maybe date the man of my dreams. I didn’t have time for children and the thought of giving birth to a child honestly terrified me.
So when I became pregnant with my first child at 23 years old, it was the scariest thing I ever did. And honestly it took me a while even after she was born to come to terms with the fact that I was now a mom.
Little did I know that being a mother would be the most meaningful and extraordinary thing I would do in my life. I didn’t really understand that right away. Forget traveling and forget being a CEO at some major company, by becoming a mom I was able to make huge a difference in someone else’s life. Jobs come and go, friends too but family is forever.
A lot of things had to change first. I couldn’t just go out with my friends anymore. And I couldn’t just take any kind of work to support my family. I couldn’t spend money on frivolous things either. I had to be smart; I had to think of what I needed long-term instead of what I needed for today.
Sidenote: fathers are pretty amazing too. But what they bring to their children is totally different. My husband is more of a rock. In addition to knowing that he loves them, he gives our kids a sense of confidence, stability and direction.
I’m more of the nurturing mother who stands by her children and comforts them when they cry.
Children are like little miracles. I look at my two month old child and she already knows me and can pick me out of a crowded room. That’s insane.
Looking at her big oversized eyes staring back at me as I breastfeed her gives me a sense of wonderment. Like, who will this little one become? What are her dreams?
My oldest daughter is six. She’s a little more complex since she’s starting to become self-aware about her emotions. So every little emotion she feels, whether it’s happy, sad, or embarrassed, she lets us know. It’s been strange to see her become much more independent, I feel like I just had her! But I know I’ll always be her mother and that I’ll always be there for her when she needs me. There’s a long road of life ahead of her so chances are that there will be plenty of situations where she will need me more than ever.
But six years ago, I had no idea the impact she would have on my life. I’m a better person. I’m stronger, more capable and aware. I can empathize and I know exactly how my child is feeling. Sometimes I can’t make all the boo boos go away, but I try.
My little one is just as amazing! I love the stage where they need you all the time for everything. It makes you feel so loved and cherished. She really is like a little doll. I forgot how beautiful they are when they’re newly born and rely on you for everything. My mother-in-law tells me that I hold her too much and that she’s spoiled but she’s two months old! And I don’t mind a spoiled two month old. Her smiles are pretty amazing too!
If I could have countless children, I would. That’s how much I love children and love my role as a mother.
If you had told 18-year-old me that I would love this role and that motherhood would come to defined me, she would’ve scoffed at you. She would’ve called me a sellout for picking the path that everyone chooses. What about all my dreams to travel, my desire to date, become a rich successful career woman?
Priorities change. And looking back, those goals were great but superficial. What I have now is a never-ending love, for my children and from them.
Being a mom isn’t the easiest path, in fact it has to be the hardest thing in the world to do and do well.
I never asked to be a mother but it was blessing brought into my life with my children. So to all the mothers who are struggling today to keep it all together, be proud, because you are doing something incredible.
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