“Why am I still single?” I’m A Married Friend That’s Heard That Over And Over Again
This post is not meant to be a personal attack on single people or say marriage is better than being single. This post is for people who are wondering why they’re still single and want advice from a married friend.
I’ve noticed a few things that people keep doing that prevent them from having healthy and growing relationships. Self-sabatoge, if you may. You may not even notice that this behavior is occurring but trust and believe that these habits will keep ANYONE from finding a fulfilling relationship. It may have been a habit you kind of fell into or something you grew up around but we’re here today because those habits are just not working and need to be changed.
Here are some of those toxic relationship habits:
1. You are unrealistic: I hate to put it this way but the dating scene is a market like any other. We all come with strengths and weaknesses. Pluses and minuses. We can’t all get prince charming or the hottest babe at the beach. You really get what you bring to the table. And you need to be honest with yourself with what it is and manage your expectations. Declaring yourself a “bad bitch” and “all that” is great talk. But are you independent? Are you compassionate? A good cook? Caring? Genuine? Breakups usually happen when one or two people in a relationship realize that there was a misrepresentation somewhere and there isn’t any true compatibility.
2. You’re selfish: I have single friends who are this type. Demand, demand, demand. As their married friend, I just shake my head. They make their partners jump through hoops, complain about everything their partner does wrong. Does not share time with their partner but expects their partners to drop everything for them. These selfish types are usually lots of fun but leave a string of heartbreak and disappointment behind them. It really doesn’t work to be in a relationship with this type of person, you’ll always feel like you’re bending backwards to please them. If this is you in a relationship, you’ll need to work hard and start making small gestures of selfless acts and love to repair the damage you’ve done to your relationships
3. White nights/Florence Nightingales: they love to make people people better, even at their own expense. They are the opposite of the selfish type. They enable but eventually resentment slips in for all the “sacrifices” they made in the relationship. Most of all they need to be with partners they can accept, not change. I am the worst offender for this type of habit. I loved the idea of changing someone, if they could change for me then that meant they really loved me. But that was the worst type of thinking. It was that type of thinking that eventually resulted in my heart being broken many times.
4. Peter Pans: they are never going to grow up. Time is not on their mind and they think they have all the time in the world to find a partner. They are not mature enough and they know it. Peter Pans are afraid of making the wrong decision so they avoid making decisions in their life that have long term meaning. This usually manifests itself in a relationship with one partner relying on the other to make day to day decisions. They’re really looking for someone to fill the role of Mom or Dad.
5. No self love: This is probably the most important and underlying problem. This probably underlies problems 1-4. Self love is so important. Not loving yourself, understanding yourself, accepting yourself and working on yourself can cause a whole set of behavioral problems. Accept your own faults and then work on them. We aren’t perfect but we need to accept ourselves and grow. People who don’t self-love are usually bitter, angry, depressed, and a whole range of negative emotions and vibes overall. It’s really hard to be in a relationship like this with someone who has insecurity and confidence issues. Don’t wait for a partner to boost your confidence because all that is is a bandaid over your lack of self-love. Work on it now while you can so you can enter a new relationship with the best possible mindset.
I think the key to a life partner is self love, genuine love and care for your partner and the right expectations. Before you can even begin to have a healthy and nurturing relationship, you need to work on yourself and get your own mental blocks out of the way. It’s easier said than done but relationships are a lot of work. It can be easy to some and harder to others. Long term relationships can be so rewarding, but they often don’t come easy. So as your married friend, I’ll tell you to take your time and start loving yourself first. That’s what’s most important.
Which bad habit are you most guilty of? Feel free to comment below!
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